Mr. Texas

Current mood: sad
It's been such a long time since i've blogged. Life and laziness are to blame for that part, but today I just can't keep all my thoughts focused.

Around mid-July, I emailed my ex from college, Mr. Texas, to get some tips on sight seeing things in Seattle since I planned to go (which I did in late August), but never heard back from him. i figured two things: something was wrong, or he was really busy. I didn't think of it like him to not reply, but i know how things are now that we are older...and i just let the thought go.

Oddly, i was thinking about him a couple of weeks ago as i was looking at the night sky. He's the one that told me where the different constellations are in the Fall night sky. I always thanked him for sharing that bit of random information since i eventually used it in my studies of Astronomy a couple of years later.

He was passionate about the ocean, surfing, music and standing up for what he believed. At times, he was a complete jerk and at one point was an asshole in my eyes after his cowardly break up from our relationship. in time, my heart healed and i forgave him for his asshole-ness. Since then, we've communicated on RARE occassions, but more for quick updates about what's been going on. I knew I would never be his girlfriend nor would he ever be my boyfriend. It's just something I knew. We just weren't meant for each other.

Last night I saw that he emailed me, and opened it to find that his wife was emailing me to let me know that Eric had passed away LAST October 2008. I got one last email from him four days before he passed away...and all it said was, "are you there?"

His wife didn't go into details of how or why he passed away, but it's weird how a part of me is feeling extremely saddened by it. I remember him asking me (when we were together) to marry him, and that we would have cute children together. I wasn't ready for that because I still had goals i wanted to accomplish. He was already living back in Texas and me in SoCal. His drinking and his way of handling his anger bothered me. I didn't feel safe when he drank, but it's so weird how he was also the first guy to ever tell me that i was beautiful, and that i should start believing i was.

It's dumb to be sitting here with tear-filled eyes, thinking about an ex-boyfriend. from YEARS ago.

This just makes me realize how precious life is ,and how we take for granted those who love us so much. How I don't want to miss out on anything in my life, nor regret anything.

I never regretted that relationship. He apologized a year or two later, and i forgave him. I'm glad that he knew I did because there's always a small part of me that still cared. as a friend.

Rest in Peace, Mr. Eric Powell. Thank you for sharing your life with me in the short amount of time we had back at CSUN. I'll never forget you.