Thursday, October 23, 2008

more great energy..
It's weird what our decisions lead us to.. in timing and subsequent things that unravel. More crazy energy.

On Saturday, I went to Razelle's place to celebrate Nathan's 4th birthday. I bought him a reversible hoodie from Old Navy. I didn't get a gift receipt. I made a mental note that I'd tell Razelle that I had the receipt if she wanted to exchange it.

Fast forward to today. Randomly, I found out that Fable 2 was released and that it came with a $15 itunes gift card at Circuit City. Stayed a bit later at work. While driving home decided to pass by Circuit City though didn't officially make the choice until I got off the freeway. Went to Circuit City.. as usual, they didn't have any stock. Roamed around for a few more minutes. Then left.

Went across the street to Target because I needed shaving gel.

So as I was walking to the entrance, there was a dude outside and mumbled as i walked by if I listened to rap. I think he was trying to sell his cd. But it was dark. And hollering it like that wasn't very comforting.

I went straight to the shaving gel and picked up a canister. Went to the video games and checked out some stuff. Roamed around a bit in the dvds. Decided I wanted to stock up on deodorant. Got some. Then, as I was walking towards the registers, I saw some polos on sale. Checked them out. Flipped around to the other side and then I found a transformers t-shirt on sale for $7! (Optimus, Hot Rod, Bumblebee and Jazz. The originals.) Lolly gagged a bit. Walked around the the fitness clothing looking for new pants for nighttime athletics. Then, I was done. At some point, I reminded myself that I had to tell Razelle that I had a receipt.

Had the choice of 4 or 5 different registers. Chose one. Paid. Left. I decided to go straight out the exit and go a meandering way to my car to avoid the dude selling CDs and as I was on my way, I looked up and saw a familiar silhouette (it was the walk). I ran into Razelle and Nathan! Now, it's not such a big deal I guess since I run into people at times at Target, but I was just thinking of them and I also spent much much more time there than I expected to. It's not like the few other times that I saw people right when I entered.

Anyway, the funniest part was that Nathan showed off his shirt to me.. a Transformers t-shirt! So, I showed him what I just bought. By chance, I saw that Transformers shirt.. on sale.. and there were NO other Transformer shirts when I saw it.

So. The crazy weird vibe continues.

Goodness coming. I know it.

Ulam cooked @ 12:14 AM

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Friday, October 17, 2008

The Energies: Something's Coming
Preface: A Quote from The Alchemist: "When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it."

Part 1: Thursday Evening Work

I was in my office barely after 5pm lollygagging. I was planning to leave at least 5-10 minutes earlier, but for some reason I was just lounging around as I sometimes do. One of our youth strolls in looking for a training my coworker was leading at a different office. Good thing I was there so I could drop him off.

At the training, I stayed for a few minutes longer than I had expected just to talk and to eat some pizza. I was craving pizza the day before and earlier in the day. I also provided paper towels and plastic utensils from my car that I hadn't removed in months. I always intended to bring them into the office.

I was outside of the room when a lady came in looking for a graduation ceremony for a mentoring program run by the County. I knew two of the people in the room should've known something about it, but I couldn't interrupt them. I tried to help the lady as much as I could - which wasn't much. She was still gracious and left. Eventually, during an activity, I found out where the graduation probably was being held.

As I was leaving, I saw the lady still walking around outside and grabbed her attention. I told her the bank building she was looking for was across the street (there were 3 bank buildings at a major intersection). She was very gracious.

SO.. it all works out. Me not leaving earlier.. our YC being dropped off at the wrong place.. me bringing him to the training.. us needing plastic utensils and more napkins.. lady getting lost.. me staying and leaving at the right time to see her walking around and giving her directions on where to go. It all works out.

Part 2: Counselor Breakfast

I went to a High School Counselor breakfast this morning at Skyline College moreso as a sign of good will for the future collaborations I was hoping to engage the outreach team in. I arrived a bit late after sleeping through BOTH of my alarms. Arriving late allowed me to scan the room and see the people I somehow knew. It also allowed me to meet others who I've emailed in the past.

Anyhow, the breakfast was great. It was so inspiring to see what innovative outreach and retention strategies they were employing through hip hop, ethnic studies, and concurrent enrollment with high schools around the area. It brought me back to what I was writing yesterday about learning.. how a major piece of my heart and soul thrives in the identity of an educator. Even sending out texts and posts and IMs about Dictionary.com got my brain stirring. I thought, yesterday, that maybe I still do have the fire to be a teacher... someday.

So, as I was driving to the office, I decided to get some Hawaiian Drive-Inn. After getting my order, I set out onto El Camino Real to get onto 380 and some pop song by Robyn from the 90s was on the XM channel "The 90's". I didn't pay it much attention, but it somehow got my mind meandering to Vitamin C who sang some graduation song. I never listened to it much, but I thought it would be funny to post the video on FB.

On 101 South, Jason Mraz' "I'm Yours" came on again. Then, I noticed a car drive past me with a personalized license plate essentially reading: "Vitamin C". It was spelled differently. I forgot the exact lettering, but it did read "Vitamin C".

****

I feel like something's happening. Something good. Not sure. But I did appreciate some of the Mraz song's lyrics (because I really didn't listen to them much except for the hook) - basically saying that time's short and why keep putting off what you've wanted any longer. Yes, it was much more sappy, rhymed, and about love.. but I'm hearing it for the big picture.

Even when Lisa pointed out earlier this week on her status that she felt something big was coming.. I was thinking of posting a similar status earlier in the day.

Something big's coming.
Something good's coming.

Ulam cooked @ 1:47 PM

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Thursday, October 16, 2008

Learning.. movement.. and another tattoo origin story
One of the larger Youth Development influences here in the Bay Area is the John W. Gardner Center based in Stanford University. I work in Youth Development. It's more than what the "name" may say. If you ever wanted to know.. let's go get coffee. But, I just wanted to share quote..

"“The ultimate goal of the educational system is to shift to the individual the burden of pursing his own education. This will not be a widely shared pursuit until we get over our odd conviction that education is what goes on in school buildings and nowhere else.”"

I love y'all teachers.. and you, my dear friends, know that what you do in the classroom reaches full potential when the students have supplementary education outside of the classroom.. the school yard.. even the world of "academics".

A love of math can come from a love of sports.. and stats.. and fantasy football.
A love of reading can come from sports.. again.. through the sports page and the various websites.
A love of science can come from watching a documentary on surfing or skateboarding.
A love of history can come from talking about the music industry and hip hop.

Anyway. This is a wonderful quote that helps to explain another one of my tattoos. There's a piece that says "philosopher" - obviously because of my pensiveness, enjoyment in reflection, but it's also about the idea of a LOVE for LEARNING. When I was getting it, I was weighing Philosopher versus Creator. I chose philosopher because of the value of a personal love of learning. I got it from my parents. I got it from my mom rarely giving me an answer straight up and instead sending me to a dictionary to find the meanings of the words I asked her for. I got it from my dad because of his inquisitiveness. If we learn to stop asking questions, then we learn to stop learning.

Yet, learning only begins with asking and finding answers. Learning continues with action. And that is why I surrounded the "philosopher" characters with a horse and the character for "destiny". Horses represent movement and action since before cars they were obviously used as transportation and social and communal evolution. What I wanted the combined pieces to say was that my life will only reach its full potential if I, not only keep thinking, analyzing, deciding, and learning, but also take action on the things that matter. That is how I should reach my destiny.

But. But.. as John W. Gardner also stated..

“One of the reasons mature people stop learning is that they become less and less willing to risk failure.”

I get complacent. Comfortable. Cynical. Shut off. Fearful. A cog of the system versus a catalyst for the system.

I always was energized by the ideal of "no day, but today". But there's a major disparity between living for the now and getting caught up in it.

Sometimes it takes a while to process the challenges of our daily lives, transitions in life, loss of connection, and idleness, among many other things, but I'm thankful for them. Once the processing is done, the movement happens.

And, for all the various reasons for me to spur movement, I will.

Ulam cooked @ 11:57 AM

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Monday, October 13, 2008

peace by piece... and it all makes sense
PART 1: Peace by Piece
Oct. 11th was locked down a few weeks ago as a meaningful day. I didn't realize the whole weekend would've added to the whole aura.

Woah. Peace by piece. I didn't initially see a title or a post reflecting on that concept, but it totally makes sense. It does.

For a while, I've had that concept of "peace by piece" in my mind as the governing theme of the next tattoo I would get. I've played around with various ideas - never settling on any soso forced imagery that I wouldn't have been happy with. In August, the desire to get one kicked back in and I researched more on symbols of peace. And I found some interesting ideas.. finally deciding on a the Barn Owl.

Why the Barn Owl? Well, the first part came with this article about how for two farming towns in Israel and Jordan the barn owl is a symbol of peace. So, as I researched more on how the barn owl looked and other info on it, I found that it was a very common bird that lived in all continents except for Antarctica. It was a solitary animal that often built homes in established buildings/spaces. Then, the owl in general, has various interpretations across cultures from being mysterious and "deathful" because of its nocturnal nature to being wise and observant. Plus, as the article on the farms evidences, the owl is a crucial part of the ecosystem.

So, in essence, the barn owl is a symbol of peace but is also a piece of numerous natural systems.

The clinchers, obviously coincidental but cool nonetheless, were...

1) as I was biking with Nico back home from Coyote Hills I swear I saw a barn owl fly right in front of us maybe 65-80 yards away. Maybe it wasn't a barn owl. But I swear it was an owl.. light brown.. flat face. I had never seen an owl fly in front of me before and I've biked to that area many times in my life (albeit most when I was a kid). I checked online to see if barn owls were native to Coyote Hills and though rare they do inhabit this area. The other, more common, owl looked nothing like the one that flew in front of us.

2) the next morning, when Nico was in San Diego in a cab going to an interview, the radio talk show was talking about barn owls. He told me about it because of the conversation from the day before.

and...

3) something else that leaned towards it.. but I don't remember.

So, as I researched artists online, I found one that seemed cool. Eventually consulted with her and set the date.. for Oct. 11. As we talked yesterday, she also informed me that she's been looking for a taxidermied owl. So, it seemed to all make sense.

And, the end product, what's living on my arm now, is damn beautiful. I'll show it when it has settled in.

Now.. WHY Peace by Piece? That concept, obviously not coined originally by me, still means something to me. My first domain named "blog" supergaling.com was themed: Peace by Piece. World peace, inner peace, any kind of peace. Piece as in poetry, comments, observations, photos, creation. Piece as in a layout gimmick called an "online quilt" of my thoughts and snapshots into my soul. Peace by piece. I wanted it on my arm, also, because my hands are what I use to physically create as a writer, typer, drawer, photoshopper, publisher, sports player, etc. Peace. By. Piece.

PART 2: the weekend
Before the weekend came a emotionally draining week of moping, weakness, and silly self perpetuated angst.

Friday night, dedicated to a night of hanging out with high school friends, was also the target for some angst-driven drowning. As Mon and I went there, lots of memories were spurred by the neighborhoods and streets we drove to. Since San Jose has many landmarks of my life in them (post college and pre-current life) I was remembering a lot. First street exit on 880. Downtown San Jose. San Pedro. Santa Clara. San Salvador. South First Billiards.

We gabbed about the updates on our lives, differing opinions on "kids these days", and set up a group birthday party for everyone's birthday near or way past gone targeted for December in Vegas. Thanks, Estee, for letting us invite ourselves to party.

Then, as I was slightly enhanced, I talked about, among other things, one of my favorite people, Katie.

Saturday morning was a strange and long familiar feeling of dread, apprehension, dehydration, exhaustion, and relief (that I was more fatigued than anything else). I got ready to go, jumped on Bart, grabbed some cash, had brunch with Claudia, and headed up to the tattoo shop. Oh, driving to Bart included hearing Jason Mraz' "I'm Yours" - and that always reminds me now of Katie because of a cool story she shared with me about a friend of hers who was proposed to with that song as the preface. Oh, and on my way to the city on Bart, I finally listened to Nas' latest album. As usual, it was full of words to make you think (and unfortunately some songs that were cool in concept by corny in execution... I'd like to start a college and make Nas our first professor, though).

During the process, the artist and I had some cool discussions about politics, San Francisco, art, humanity, and other stuff. She finished with everything by 2:45. Earlier in the week, I talked to various people about meeting up in the city. The earliest any of my good friends could meet up was 5. Any other prospects were busy or in other parts of the city (I was in the Mission). I decided to take a walk on 16th from Valencia towards Guerrero. Once I got to Guerrero, I crossed 16th, and walked back to Valencia on the opposite side of the street. As I got closer, I saw a face that looked like Katie's. As I took more steps, I realized it WAS Katie with her friend and her super cool dogs.

So, from that point til around 5:15, I hung out with Katie and company as we sat down for some light food, got up and walked to Dolores Park, I dog sat for 5 minutes and was sufficiently UNprepared, drank out of a paper bag, and chilled as I looked out at parts of the clear skyscape of downtown San Francisco.

The funny coincidence is that Katie and I had talked through some texts about her possibly coming with me when I got my tattoo. Obviously, it didn't happen, but we serendipitously ended up hanging out that day anyway.

At 5:20, I got up to go meet up with Anne - my former supervisor, still current mentor and friend - at Blondie's for a quick "thirst quencher". It was really great to be able to sit down and talk with her especially since last year at work, my first without her guiding and inspiring me, our conversations were buried in work drama and me still, unintentionally, asking her for support. This conversation though was just about life, faith, hope, peace, Jesus the badass, and how all that stuff is converging upon her as she and her partner are planning their wedding. She really is a great person and I'm extremely lucky to have been of thought well enough by her (and the youth who interviewed me.. and Marb and Maria) for her to hire me and really develop my professionally for the two very big transition years after grad school. As she talked about lots of crazy beautiful and crazy crazy things experienced by her recently, she discussed how the aura of this time of the season was making her sixth senses jump - basically about how coincidences were making connections with each other.

After our beverages, we had to part ways and move on to whatever else. I jumped on Bart (after getting to the deck right in time for the direct line to Fremont to arrive) and went home. I passed the Oakland Coliseum in time to watch the Warrior game, but I decided to not watch it and instead JUST go home. I already had plans to go to Sacramento on Sunday morning.. early.

While on Bart, Art and I exchanged texts and decided that I'd come up to meet them for the regular... conversations on the patio, 49er football on Sunday afternoon, and lots of Madden.

When I got to Sacramento, not only were Art, Melinda, and Hum there, but Alex and Barb were there also. I haven't hung out with them for a long, long, long time. They talked shop (aka parenting) and again there were lots of fun moments in the conversation that varied in subjects and varied in place and time - like in college, to childhood shenanigans, to life now as adults. Again, this was just like old times when the guys all lived together at Adams.. and then when Art lived with Alex and Barb in Sacramento and Hum and I would drive up from the Bay.

Saturday fused into Sunday while were still gabbing away. Once Alex and Barb left, Melinda went to sleep, and the rest of us extended our discussion to the patio (in the freakin' coldness and mostly talking about the ills of the niners and some possible solutions) then moved inside to play some Madden until we all were way past ready to sleep.

Once we all woke up for Sunday, it was more of the same. Madden. Niners loss. good times. And we ate Dos for lunch.

PART 3: when it all makes sense
Then I drove home to take the whole weekend in while I flipping through 14+ channels on XM to capture a good song, a good mood, a good groove, and whatever. One of the last songs to play: Jason Mraz, "I'm Yours". Last song to play: Survivor, "The Search is Over".

I thought of how cool the whole weekend was - how serendipitous lots of things were from the high levels of Katie-centric things happening (especially with the Jason Mraz starter and capper).

I thought of how major moments of my life were all represented this weekend: high school, Davis, AARS, and my life right now at yfeezey.

I thought of how much I've changed, evolved, progressed, digressed, and just constantly kept adding more to my existence through each step of the way.

I thought of why I consistently disqualify myself from the idea that I could in fact be the apple of someone wonderful woman's eye.

I thought of why I was in such a funk last week (and basically for the past few weeks or months).. but particularly last week because of the same old BS about unrequited romantic opportunities - of the various ways of rejection I experienced... or at least perceived to be rejected.

I thought of how I may have wrongly assessed the rejections.. if they were rejections at all.

I thought of why they mattered in the first place and why I let things like that get into my head instead of constantly eating up and thriving off of the good times like what this weekend provided.

I thought what it was that made this weekend so special - the conversations, the world conspiring to bring long distanced friends into my physical sphere, the meaningful talks, the hope through change, the laughs, the smiles, the real - deeper leveled connection.

I thought of how this was the 10 year anniversary of the Best Summer Ever and this summer was probably one of my most isolated physically and more importantly emotionally and soulfully from most of my friends.

I thought of how the void was real and how deeply affected I was by it.

I thought of "The Search is Over" and how, when taking out the cheesy romantic part, the song really spoke to why I've been who I've been for such a long time: the pickiness and sometimes pettiness, the singlehood, the lone wolfing, the self-sabotaging. Since I've been so rich with friendship, investing time in other (new) people (yes, in that way) seemed unnecessary.

I thought of all this and knew I had to write about it. So, when I started to type..

I thought of how my quest for a beautiful tattoo that represented the "Peace by Piece" theme, that physically ended yesterday once the tattoo was finished, really represented this whole weekend.

I thought how that was so cool - how the energies of the world - were truly conspiring together to make it a reality - and now how I've once again found some uplifting spiritual roots from The Alchemist.

I thought of how it all makes sense, how I've been complacent in many matter, and how that's gotta change.

Peace. By. Piece.

Ulam cooked @ 12:37 AM

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Tuesday, October 07, 2008

A real fan letter!
In response to this Outside the Lines: Manny Ramirez on ESPN.com by Bill Simmons the Sports Guy.

I wrote this to Bill Simmons:

"Hey Bill,

The first piece of yours I ever read was about Paul Pierce and it inspired me to write sports columns (albeit, at the time, about wrestling).

So, since then, I've religiously flocked to your picks, your mailbags, your, Curious Guys, and anything else. Now, while the mailbags when you're on fire have given me some of the most entertainment, I always referred back to the first piece about Paul Pierce as the most meaningful I guess. It brought me back to my senior year English teacher who tried to hammer in us the "show don't tell" type of writing, and I thought she was nuts because I couldn't figure it out. Eventually, I must've learned because I passed the class, went on to college, graduated and did all that wonderful stuff. But, what really grabbed my attention was how, in that article referring to a dinner you had with him, you showed us how he LOVED basketball. You didn't tell us. You proved it. As a person who loves the craft of writing, I totally appreciated it on multiple levels.

Anyway, this is going longer than I expected. I've sometimes attempted to contact you to respond directly to your columns, but usually to and unsuccessfully be witty enough to land on a mailbag. Actually, I did.. in dubious distinction. I was the numbnuts that kept referring to David Stern as "Daniel" Stern.

But, I'm writing this because I just decided to end any productivity here at work, the final 15-45 minutes of my day, and read your OTL article on Manny. I just want to thank you for writing it because it was pretty damn exquisite. I don't think I've ever used that word before, but it was. Aside from the truisms, like Manny always working out his slumps in a very well timed extended at bat. Being an A's fan, I've seen it.. a lot. He's killed our hopes more often than I'd like to count, but I love that guy. Like you said, baseball's extremely individual - and that's what he was. He WAS baseball because he wasn't BASEBALL. Does that make sense? It does to me. (To steal a line from you.)

Aside from the truisms, I just appreciate the way you were able to write about the pathology of an aching sports fan. Others have done it, like some article I just found online by some professor who's a cubs fan, but I was completely engrossed by your exploration of Manny, the situation, and your "showing not telling" of the conundrum he creates in you as a real fan.

Alright. I hope you read this despite its length. Thank you, sir. Great job!"

Ulam cooked @ 5:54 PM

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