Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Closing out the weekend..
I left work early because I felt like crap. The bad air in Sac, the cat hair, and I think I just completely conked out of any real energy leaving me totally drained and exhausted. I stopped by Chel and Dennis' place to drop off the stuff I had in the car and I was greeted by Dennis' family who all had some good laughs at my drunk ass' expense. All good. Little Jeremy remembered me as the dude that told him to stop drinking soda. Haha.
Anyway, it was nice to see the fam.. and when Chel's parents and Ian came over, it seemed like the real party was there. I talked to Chel about the food issue. She unfortunately heard about it after the table pictures. Dennis didn't find out until afterwards. They talked to the catering person and they're still in talks about what happened. Someone really screwed up big time over there. Chel made sure to order the 10% extra - so there should've been more than enough food.
With the air much lighter and less to stress about it, it was easier to talk to both of them and their excitement, contentment, happiness, and gratitude was really evident.
The new mother-in-laws seemed so happy and buddy buddy. It was cute. I also got an okay from both of them.. it seems like my drunkedness wasn't an issue for either of them. In fact, Dennis' mom said it's better that I was having a good time than not. Haha.
But, leaving the house was actually the most sentimental moment for me. With the rush of the weekend and also the irritation I was feeling yesterday afternoon, I didn't really close the weekend. Being with the newly bonded families without the negative entities around I felt the closeness that I was talking to Art about that I felt was missing from this wedding. No. It was there. It would've been nice if Nik and Tess were there too.
So, they're off to Aruba and I hope they have the greatest time. They're a new family. And I'm so glad I was able to enjoy that for a few minutes today.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Just more...
I guess a lot of this stuff has been simmering one way or another over the past years? Not sure.
I spent around 3 hours sitting out on Art's patio with stoges that seemed to last forever talking about hella shit:
- the weekend
- the wedding
- the stuff that upset me
- life, jobs, family
- friends, life, family
- God's plan
- Kobe, the Celtics, and the beauty of finishing plays (and hard fouls)
- insecurities
- understanding our personalities and how that influences our insecurities
- respect
Much needed.
I don't have deep conversations with friends anymore - I mean, I don't have them as frequently as before and I suppose that has some effect on my inability to sustain interest in the ongoing practice of phone conversations.
[I'm hungry.]
That reminds me. I ate Dos Coyotes twice this weekend: Chicken Fajita Burrito and a Steak Ranchero Burrito. YUM. The second helping was actually the main reason I stopped by Art and Melinda's. It was quite a detour. Arden. Men's Warehouse. Arden. Dos. Stoges. Chat. Davis Chevron. Union City. Man. I need to get lunch.
A Letter from St. Paul to the Corinthians.. chapter 13
I'm not even really a Catholic but this still means a lot to me - despite the redundancy of it as a traditional "wedding" verse.
Plus, it holds true to my personal belief that romantic love is great, but human love (human decency) is what I hang my soul on... and thus.. as I said earlier, when people you call friends do things, big or small, to not even uphold the tenets of the sanctity of friendship... what does any of this matter, then?
If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels,
but do not have love,
I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.
If I have the gift of prophecy,
and know all mysteries and all knowledge;
and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains,
but do not have love,
I am nothing.
And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor,
and if I surrender my body to be burned,
but do not have love,
it profits me nothing.
Love is patient,
love is kind and is not jealous;
love does not brag and is not arrogant,
does not act unbecomingly;
it does not seek its own,
is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,
does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth;
bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails;
...But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.
This is real. It's an easy line to draw.
"As in any social setting, your friends are the ones you consider your equals. But your best friends--your closest friends--are the ones you consider your betters."
- Brad Melzter, Justice League of America #0 (2006)
and more...
.. in a group of "friends" as large as we have, it's natural to be closer to some people more than others. but, we also have a clear hierarchy (at least in my view) of who's "cooler" and who's just not. Me, I fall on the lower tier where my jokes aren't ever the funniest, my ideas aren't the most valid.. whatever. I really don't care. I can live with people not being very responsive to emails I send out or attempts to bring people together, but this hierarchy of who's in and who's not reared itself in today's comments.
.. i'll keep adding them as I remember. It's late.
Ulam cooked @ 2:59 AM
Random thoughts during the final leg of the drive home ending this weekend...
Just to provide background info for the millions... and millions of people NOT reading this blog...
the itinerary for this weekend consisted of lots and lots of driving by myself up and down a mountainous range. went to north lake tahoe for chel and dennis' wedding. Had too much fun at the wedding. Taking pics at the lake like superstars was fun. I'm done with alcohol for another few days. And...
.. at some point as i was swimming through my feelings about some upsetting things that occurred this weekend and I was really comparing it to the loss of naivete regarding the propect of sincere friendship existing, "Stand By Me" played. Ironic because of the movie was talking about the loss of innocence and because it also talks about friendship.
.. That reminded me that, while driving between 113 and Richards blvd on 80 East, Green Day's "Time of Your Life" kicked it in. And, as cheesey as it is, it really kicked in some nostalgia for me about the good ole' davis days.
.. the reason I was so upset about what was said wasn't about the statement itself.. only.. but because of the prevailing negativity towards the whole weekend by some folks. And as I was driving home, i imagined if the people it was targeting had heard it, how badly it may have made them feel. Cryptic? Yeah.. Whatever.
.. $72 for an engraved replacement lighter is hella expensive, but worth it to honor my friendships with Art and Melinda.
.. Thankful for the long conversation i had with Art especially in light of what happened earlier in the day and also in light of my feelings last week that I haven't had a real conversation with one of my friends.. real friends.. recently.
.. Relationship drama is easy. Friendship drama is hard. Being disappointed in humanity is debilitating.
.. I am muthafucking happy for my friends who are expecting children.
.. Is this the day that I hold dear to my heart and think back as the time I finally had enough and told everyone who really doesn't matter to me to eff the hell off? (Probably not.)
.. Gas in Visalia is always cheaper. Always.
.. It was really heartbreaking to see the smoke from the forest fires in the Sierras as I was driving down from the mountain.
.. Yes, I'm a little bitch. I DGF.
.. I'm gonna be so tired tomorrow.
.. From Watt Ave. in North Highlands to North Lake Tahoe and to Richards Blvd. Chevron in Davis, the mileage was 261 on 9.63 gallons meaning I was averaging 27+ miles per gallon. Best the Element has given to me.
.. I was also upset for selfish reasons. I don't like being around people I can't trust.
.. I also have millions of steps to go in becoming the type of friend that I can believe in. I'm as guilty of the negativity.. the side comments.. but seeing them so happy meant the world.
.. Say what you want about me, but if I can imagine something you say and feel that could possibly hurt my friend so much then you mean shit to me.
.. You may think I'm overacting. But, really, I'm not. The little things matter. And this matters a lot.
Man, I'm effin sleepy. I can't remember the rest.
Ulam cooked @ 1:44 AM
Friday, June 06, 2008
Game 1 NBA Finals 2008 - Letter to Bill Simmons
Hey Bill,
That was a great game 1 last night. I agree with everything you said. For the Celtics, I'm just worried that Rondo and PJ can't keep up with their fill-in buckets and Kobe's obviously going to start throwing up (and hitting) shots if he notices early in Game 2 that his team's out of sorts.
Anyway, I thought there was a defining moment in the 4th Quarter that is further testament to the warrior that is Paul Pierce. With his bum knee, he took a turn to D up Kobe and bodied him up. It led to Kobe pressing up a fadeaway. I'm sure you noticed it, but I thought that was an disregarded "big play" - mainly because it was Pierce's bum knee and it's still Kobe in the 4th quarter within two buckets of tying up the game.
By the way, I think it's strange when Kobe gets talked up now because he's:
1) not taking bad shots
2) passing to his teammates
3) getting his team involved early
4) etc. etc. etc.
I mean, it's like people looking at some husband and saying he's great because he's:
1) not cheating on his wife anymore
2) taking care of the kids now
3) got a job now
4) etc. etc. etc.
Aren't those the bottom line expectations and not the apex of greatness? Like Chris Rock said, "What do you want?! A Cookie?!"
Okay.
- John
Wednesday, June 04, 2008
A letter to the FAYLC Planning Family
There was lots of energy and now bitterness/sadness about the campaing and non-election of Christopher Cabaldon as the first Fil Am State Assembly member in California. A response on an email was also more bitterness for the lack of participation by under-40 Fil Ams in helping with the campaign - and also how that energy affects the Fil Am Youth Leadership Conference in Sac. This is my response to the email - and I guess sort of my response in general to my frustration with FAYLC over the past years - and also to the Fil Am community that I still hold dear but am really "OVER" right now...
START LETTER
Greetings all,
First, I appreciate the information about the Christopher Cabaldon election and especially the efforts of folks who put their all into it. I am a bit disconnected from the whole thing.. actually very disconnected since his assembly seat really doesn't reflect my residence - although I would agree that residence in a matter like this shouldn't be a barrier.
But, I would like to throw my two cents into this discussion, not for the sake of the elections, but for the sake of FAYLC and its movement forward. I obviously am not very involved due to time and distance (physical and emotional), but I still work with youth, albeit rarely with only Filipino American youth.
I'm pretty sure most of us understand that we live in a culture of disillusionment - and it can't be only "blamed" on our corrupt national leadership. We don't trust the system, don't trust our public officials, and more gravely, we don't trust each other. As folks move up the socioeconomic ladder, success usually equals more isolation: bigger houses, smaller yards, unstable residencies = lack of neighborhoods/lack of communities.
Then we can talk about technology and all sorts of other issues. In an age when we have immense access to information and each other, we are also immensely separated. Not right, yes. But this is a transition period bridging generations and I feel strongly (and this is why I'm bringing this up) that we need to (continue to) innovate our outreach strategies to not only our young people but our peers.
I don't think the terms "Filipino" or "Filipino American" carry the same weight as they used to, even since the short 8 years ago when I graduated college. What I mean is that I don't think that the rallying strength of an ethnic identity is as strong (or relevant) as it was before. And I really don't feel this is unique to our community.
In my experiences in helping with a wide array of youth-based community efforts (here in san mateo county), what folks identify with and take action more swiftly on are issues - and issues that directly affect them. You'd think that a simple, "hey young person, you're getting hated on. let's work together and stop that." is reason enough to convince folks to join a movement or an action, but it's not. 1) a lot of people don't like being told that they're being oppressed and 2) there's a barrage of information - it's an oversaturation of messages that, again, influence the culture of isolation.
I compare it to music access. Just 10 years ago, the main channels of access to music were: 1) radio, 2) friends, 3) CDs/stores, and 4) MTV (okay, maybe 15 years ago for MTV). Now, it's 1) radio, 2) internet, 3) internet, 4) internet, 5) etc. etc. etc. You can taste different types of music on itunes, amazon, myspace, youtube, kazaa, etc - where before, depending on the diversity of your friends' tastes, you were usually stuck in a specific genre. It's like how I wonder sometimes how, in a week's span, I can listen to souls of mischief, the beatles, dru hill, and foreigner without skipping a beat. There's a dilution of niches, which is a good thing on one end, and difficult when trying to reach out to people.
Okay. I know this is going on way too long. All I really wanted to say were:
1) think about outreach strategies
because
2) our youth are different/our communities are different
and
3) saying something like, "don't trust media. it's bad for you. young person, believe me!" ain't gonna fly. Not saying we do that, but I'm just saying.
With all that said, I still can't help with physically being AT meetings, but I'd like to help in some other ways that are possible from my isolated box connected with my laptop. (Yeah, ironic.)
If you'd like to see what some youth in some schools/regions in san mateo county have identified as important issues to them, please let me know. I don't know what the theme is for this year's FAYLC, but i'd like to suggest that you look at some of those surveys as a foundation of a discussion.
Okay.
If you got this far down.. I'm selling candy bars at $1 a pop to take myself on a field trip to the zoo. Just kidding.
Peace.
- JY
END LETTER
I wonder how they'll respond.
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
Chat with T-7 (nickname's been changed, content's still crackin')
me: i'm wearing a suit.
me: dunno how long that's gonna last
me: how's the infections?
T-7: ay yo
T-7: you got court or something?
me: divorce court
me: nah.. the youth presented to the board of supervisors today
T-7: nice
me: and i was the official powerpoint clicker
T-7: ooo..what issue?
T-7: wow, you're crazy
me: they just updated on what we've been doing
me: mainly on job training resources for youth and comprehensive sex ed
me: they did a great job
T-7: nice..do you feel like a proud dad?
T-7: or are you applauding your pwr point skillz
me: proud older bro
me: hehe i was just glad all i had to do was click
T-7: do u not like the public speaking?
me: umm
me: i don't mind it
me: i do it all the time
me: but i'm happy when i get to turn off my brain
me: or any time i can turn off my brain
T-7: yes, it is nice
T-7: but then if it gets off too long, then it gets harder to bring the A game
me: word
me: that's why my dvr has ruined my budding writing career
me: oh.. that wasn't real either
T-7: ha ha...i miss cable
T-7: but probably a good thing I don't have it
T-7: oh, but so much to watch
me: that's a terrible thing to say
me: haha
me: actually.. when i was writing about tv.. at least i was writing about something
T-7: i gathered bets on the suit wearing.
T-7: i guess it comes off between 12:30 and 1
me: http://www.prosemonkey.com/livproof.html
me: wow
me: that's a good guess
me: i was thinking of having it through lunhc
T-7: eh, you will think about it
T-7: but then you will give in to the comfort clothes and the real John
me: i was thinking of walking around downtown san mateo to see if i got better treatment
me: or if i could catch a nurse or two's attention
T-7: hollllaaaaa
T-7: john pimp on the street...look out now
me: i can have my business card too
me: though i feel like i'm choking
me: haha
T-7: loosen the tie
T-7: that shows you are professional, but laid back
me: haha
me: and fold up the sleeves?
T-7: if you have business cards that might be overdoing your game a little
T-7: well, that's too laid back
T-7: that's like: sometimes i don't shave and i drink a lot of beer
me: haha
me: true
me: but i did my hair
me: and it's shaved
me: well
me: sorta
me: i mean i've shaved
T-7: good good,but u don't want to give the image that sometimes you don't
me: sometimes i don't though
me: haha
T-7: which is ok
T-7: u just dont' need to advertise it by the way you wear your suit
me: i'll have one sleeve folded up
me: i'll just give off the expression that i suck
T-7: ooo...the one armed bandit
me: yeah
me: too bad i'm just staying in my office for lunch
me: with my apples, apricots, and salad
T-7: ooo...soo healthy
T-7: you are not fat
T-7: i confirmed that from Hawaii pics
me: oh i hid it well
me: i cleanses last week
me: so i lost a bit
T-7: under your cool hat
T-7: ew, u do the lemonade cleanse?
me: but my shirt today's form fitting.. gut exposing
me: no
me: i just ate lettuce, brocoli, black beans and salas for most of the week
me: salsa
me: and mixed in trader joe's reduced fat salad..
T-7: mmm..that actually doesn't sound bad
me: and apples, bananas
T-7: i love beans
T-7: and salsa
me: what are you doing sat night?
me: well.. it's a good way to add natural flaovr without adding calories or fat
me: and mixed with a generous amount of chilled sweet oranges..
me: you get full and it all tastes good
me: i mean.. not mixed
me: i mean having the oranges for dessert
T-7: ok, cuz that was gross
T-7: i am going out to dinner
T-7: and am supposed to go to an 80s party, but that might be doing too much
me: nice
me: 80s party
me: nice
me: i was watching back to the future on sunday
me: i forgot that huey lewis had a cameo
T-7: hee hee..yea, i have no costume
T-7: i was going to go as connie chung
me: bring a friend to be maury
me: and then your friend can bring someone pretending to be someone needing a dna test
me: and that friend can bring someone pretending to be a potential father
me: and that friend can bring someone pretending to be another father
me: and that friend can bring someone pretending to be another father
me: and that friend can...
me: nevermind
T-7: no need for entourage
T-7: just someone to tell me how to make my hair puffy
me: i could do that
me: i saw my sister do it enough
me: but do they still sell aqua net
me: ?
T-7: i think it's against teh law
T-7: i'm thinking of bailing on party though b/c it is far...it's like past the last bart station after walnut creek
me: cfcs
me: WOAH
me: pittsburg?
T-7: sure, that sounds far
me: haha
T-7: so it's like, minimal drinking, am going to be late, etc
me: maybe i should try to set up a Iving party
me: irving
me: aka yancy's
me: ooh
T-7: did u move?
T-7: ha ha..yancy's
T-7: i still haven't been there
T-7: i've been everywhere other bar
T-7: i like the mucky duck and the other irish establishments
me: blackthorne?
me: or is that a pirate ship?
me: this is a wonderful chat, i'm tempted to cut and paste it to my blog
T-7: blackthorne
T-7: ok..i'm going to lunch.be back in a few
T-7: good luck with ladies.
Meebo Message: T-7 is offline
