Friday, May 30, 2008

Another Personality Test: I'm more GREENBlue than BLUEGreen now.
GREEN beat out BLUE by 3 points. Makes sense.

Here's my "personality":

GREEN
Knowledge is Power

Analytical, Global, Conceptual
Cool, Calm, Collected
Inventive, Logical, Perfectionist (no way)
Abstract, Hypothetical, Investigative

- Seek knowledge and understanding
- Live life by their own standards
- Need explanations and answers
- Value intelligence, insight, and fairness
- Natural non-conformist, visionary, and problem-solver

At Work:
They are conceptual, independent thinkers. For them, work is play. They are drawn to constant challenges in careers and like to develop models, explore ideas or build systems to satisfy their need to be innovative. Once they have perfected an idea, they prefer to move on, leaving the project to be maintained and support of others.

With Family and Friends:
They may be seen as reserved or as a loner because they need a lot of private time to think. They enjoy people who are interesting and of high integrity. They find family activities boring and have difficulty following family rules. They are uneasy with frequent displays of emotions.

**

Hahah. Some is spot on. Some is not so much spot on.

Do with it what you will.

Ulam cooked @ 5:36 PM

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Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Island Wonderment
Another Hawaiian wedding, another millions of laughs and good times.

PREFACE:
I didn't realize that the Big Island of Hawaii was as rural as it is. Of course, we were on the more rural side and rarely drove up the mountain side, but the coast was really empty between Kailua-Kona to Waikoloa and beyond til we hit the 270. That road on the 19, from Kailua-Kona to Waikoloa Beach Resorts was frequented many times. It's a short 25 minute drive from the airport to the condo we stayed at full of lava rock, coral word art, and views of vast shore and ocean. Lovely.

So anyway.

Hawaiian Wedding #3 was for Mon and Eric. Though I loved my experiences on Oahu and was honored in being invited and experiencing the special days (and week) of my other friends who wedded those prior times, this trip and wedding was particularly special. At this point in my life, Mon is someone who I've shared a close friendship with for the longest in my life. Even though I officially know Thy and Garrick longer, I'm much closer to Mon - and for periods at a time in our lives since the 8th grade, I've considered her my best friend... and of course with that came lots of drama and ups and downs and all that great stuff that, when you get passed them and learn from them, you become much closer. I also spent a great percentage of my life in her house and with her family from high school through my early 20s. I grew up with her family - and I was best friends, for a time also, with her younger sister. Since we graduated from college, we've pretty much hung out together a lot and when the energies of the world offered her some pain, she was also delivered a wonderful door to meet my buddy Eric.

Like I've told her numerous times - first during our failed attempts at studying at Denny's since the other places were already closed - she totally won. And, when competitiveness is a great energizer of yours, winning definitely is the icing on an already wonderful cake.

So, the week in Kona was for Eric and Mon. They asked me to take part in their wedding as a secondary sponsor - although I feel bad for not doing much for them. My partner, as a veil sponsor, was my other long time friend Estee. She, like Mon, was at one time or another has been my best friend. Ever since she gave birth to her daugher in December, it feels like we've gotten closer again. Sharing the moment with her was really cool - and I told her it was like Homecoming 1995 when I asked her to be my "escort" during the rally since I was elected onto the court.

The rest of the Kona trip was dedicated to 1) hanging out with friends and 2) being on vacation on a tropical island. Nothing complicated.

DAY 1: I shared the plane ride to Kona with the Q family (Eric's fam - and two of my best friends, his bro and bro's wife, and their baby daughter was equally a star of the week). That was fun having people to talk while waiting. Also being around to help after we arrived was nice. After a Costco run, we met up with Willy and Margie at Wal-Mart before we all went to Safeway and finally headed to Waikoloa. Hum was waiting for us at the 2 bedroom, 1 loft condo.

DAY 2: Family breakfast. I helped cook spam, eggs, and rice with Willy and Margie. We all at together and then also cleaned up together. It was nice. Haven't done that in a while. I forget how fun it actually can be to hang out with roommates.

We didn't do much between breakfast and the afternoon. Since a bunch of our friends were going to a scuba/snorkel experience with Manta Rays that started at 3pm, most of the time spent between breakfast (that ended around 10ish) and the time they left (2ish), was spent on watching Kickboxer. We didn't miss any of the great parts. Not my ideal thing to do on a vacation, but what can I say.. it was funny.

Afterwards, Margie and I picked up Rich and Ramona at the airport - came back to the condo - got ready for the beach - and then headed to get some dinner before we hit the water. By the time we were done eating hella good food though it started to get dark. Light hits about 5:15AM and leaves pretty much at 7:15. We kicked it around A-Bay behind the Marriot for a bit, knocked back some drinks at the bar, then headed back to the condo and watched Braveheart in HD.

DAY 3: I wanted to go to Volcano being a geology (tv show) nerd, but it was going to be hard to get anything done since it was so far away. We should've woke up at 5, but that didn't happen. Anyway, Hum and I had a wedding rehearsal at 4pm in Waimea (25-35 minutes away from Waikoloa). Our other 4 roomies were leaving the island on Friday. Since Thursday was the wedding, day 3 was the only time they could go. So they went.

Me and Hum hit up
Hapuna Beach with the PMD guys. The beach was beautiful. It was hot and the water was perfect. The shallow level reached out far enough that you could easily just chill as you could body surf or boogie board because the breaks were good enough. It wasn't crowded since it was a Wednesday early afternoon. Then, after lots of laughs and good times, we rolled North to Kawaihae to Cafe Pesto. I ordered the Miloli`i: an open face sandwich consisting of crab, shrimp, mushrooms, and cheese on top of garlic bread. Oh, and I also ordered a Clam and Corn Chowder and a Keoki Sunset beer. Damn. Good.

Afterwards, we cleaned up and headed to Waimea to attend the rehearsal. The Annunciation Church parish were wonderfully friendly. Father Bob was setting up the church and cracking jokes during the rehearsal. He was so laid back that I didn't know he was THE Father at that parish until the wedding.

After the rehearsal was the rehearsal dinner at Tommy Bahama's at Mauna Lani - the resort right next to Waikoloa. We got there early and that meant the drinking started early. I had 4 ambers that night. I also bought Mon's dad a beer which was really really cool for me since I've known him for so long. I know that a $6 beer can't really pay back all the rides and all the food and all the times I've spent at their house, but it was a nice anyway. Dinner was badass - hella food and good at that. Lots of fun all around - and apparently we were a loudly laughing table. It was the 6 of of us - same as the condo. Estee and David sat next to us so that meant we had time to play with her daughter who was a second superstar whenever she was around.

I fell asleep right when we got back to the condo. Lots of beer. Lots of food. Actual exercise (sort of) at the beach. Good day.

DAY 4: WEDDING

Since the wedding was a morning one, basically the whole day was dedicated to it. It was a simple wedding and I was able to connect to a lot of what Father Jeff and Father Bob said during mass since the message was clearly about love - and much less about other things that I've heard at weddings and felt very disconnected with. It's still strange not participating in the rituals during mass since I've grown up with them and are programmed into me. Anyway.

Mon was tearing on her way down the aisle and we all were trying to peak at Eric's eyes to see if he was tearing also. There were no other tears after that though - it was a nice, simple wedding. The readings were familiar but poignant and it was great to share that moment with Mon and Eric.

The reception was at the Hilton at Waikoloa and it was a crazy badass hotel. There's a lagoon in the middle and there's even a tram to take you around the hotel area because it's 60 acres! There were lots of Mimosas, lots of good food, lots of laughs, and lots of pictures especially of Madi.

Here's me and the wedded couple.

After the reception, we all split up again to regroup at A-Bay behind the Marriott. We waded a bit in the water as the sun went down and moved back to the Marriott and into the pool. After an hour or so (maybe less), we left and eventually hit up the food court at the Queens' Marketplace and a bunch of us had dinner at our condo.

DAY 5:
Hum, Mon, Eric, and I woke up early to drive near "marker 81" to walk to a cove that supposedly was a haven for turtles. We parked on the side of the road and walked a bit to get to the beach and it was pretty amazing. It was a black sand beach. The lava rock hit the ocean and there was a short layer of lava rock stones so it was really cool to see the three levels of the lava rock as eroded by the water. We saw a few turtles in the water but only when they peeked their heads out. Pretty much, after that morning, the jokes about "turtleheads" never really stopped. We stayed out there a bit, stalking the turtles, before we decided to walk back to the car and explore what was going on at Waikoloa Village. There wasn't much there, but we spent about 20 minutes in a drive through line at a Coffee shop where the simmering-then-exploding-volcano hand gesture to describe Mon arose. Pretty funny. I spent the rest of the day trying to teach Madi how to do it.

Willy, Margie, Rich, and Ramona all left together on Friday morning once we returned to Waikoloa. We hung out with them for a bit as they got ready for their trip back, and once we said our goodbyes I got pretty sad. It's always a sad time when the pack breaks up during a trip, especially a fun one. Hum had to work, so I went with Mon and Eric to the Q's condo where I drank my second cup of coffee and also decided to hang out with them as they decided to head south past Kailua-Kona to explore some spots down there. This is where I realized that I was playing the role of "Luke" in the late years of Growing Pains - you know, when Mike needed a project and Leonardo DiCaprio made his big break. Anyway, I was the "adopted brother" since I basically was hanging out with their family so much. This led me to briefly referring to myself as "Uncle Luke" to Madi. Then, of course, Growing Pains talk led to references to the legendary Richard Stabone aka Boner. So, at times I could be "Uncle Stabone".. but "uncle Boner" just was. not. appropriate... umm..

Driving in the rain, humidity, two-lane road, and gas exhaust really made me feel like I was in the Philippines. It was a good feeling.

I bought a 3rd cup of coffee at the Kailua Coffee Company.

We went as far south to the Place of Refuge - a former area where island royalty had a fortress and is now a place where turtles are coming to the beaches to.. do something, but we couldn't cross the beach line.

The short 160 road that we took to get there eventually became a 1 lane road and gave us some fun times and the spawning of the "Rain-Mom" moment for Dar. Yes, that was a reference to Rainman.

I bought a 4th cup of coffee at Surfin' Ass Coffee Company (home of the Donkey Balls).

We at a late lunch/early dinner at the famous Quinn's. I had the fish and chips. I enjoyed the scenery.

We were all supposed to hang out at night at a Karaoke night, but a lot of us fell asleep.

DAY 6:

Saturday was officially a good-bye day. Hum left in the morning. I dropped him off at the airport and I brought Mon and Eric back to Waikoloa since they also dropped off their rental car. We ate breakfast at a Rainbow Cafe and tasted Chicken Musubi for the first time. Yum.

We hung out a bit in Waikoloa as I had to clean up the final pieces and check out of the condo. We went to the Q's condo where we stayed for a awhile before we had to drop off the newlyweds at the airport as they headed to Maui.

I dropped them off and the van with the Q's headed to the International Marketplace (?). It was a bit weird. After I dropped of Eric and Mon, I did feel a bit of emotional-ness. Not sure what started it or where it stemmed from. I think part of it was just a general feeling of happiness for both of them... especially for Mon since I've seen her go through a lot in terms of the love department and seeing her get married was like having a sister get married. I think some of the emotions also were part of what spawned in the "stream of consciousness" post. Nonetheless, I had some time to think to myself before I got to the market.

I had my 2nd cup of coffee at the Kona Brothers Coffee Company (I think that's what it was called). Although our plan was to hit the beach, with the shopping time and everything, we realized that we'd get to the beach at dusk again and decided against the beach.

Instead, we hung out, drank a bunch of beer and tried to get rid of the excess food before we'd have to throw a bunch of it out the next day.

DAY 7:
Since we couldn't get to the beach the day before, we made it a point to get up early and hit the beach on our last day. We went back to Hapuna Beach.. well, it was their first time.. and it was fun again. The water was a bit colder since it was earlier in the day. But, we were eventually able to swim with a couple of turtles. I saw them underneath the water - but as I was wading out in deeper water (about 9 to 11 feet), Dave told me they were headed towards me. So I was treading water and I saw the first one swim out a few feet past me out towards the open water. That was pretty cool. Madi also had her chance to touch the sea. =)

The rest of the day was dedicated to packing and eating more of the food in the fridge. We actually did a good job of it, but my body internally and externally are paying the price.

Our flight was at night - and like my last Hawaii trip, I knocked out basically at lift off and woke up a few minutes before we landed. Ahh.

What a trip.

Key terms of the trip?
turtleheads
volcano - explosion
Princess Bride
willypedia
yea? yea, yea? You know.. island speak, yea? yea. Yea?
Quinn's.. .. .
Rain-Mom
Raiderettes
Lego Star Wars
beer
cereal
malassadas
pop-culture references
Uncle Luke or Uncle Stabone
spam
spam
spam
cholesterol
fat
Cafe Pesto
100% Kona coffee (I bought 2 lbs of it).. (and I bought airtight canisters today, also)
friendship
love

Ulam cooked @ 12:19 AM

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Monday, May 19, 2008

Stream of Consciousness
I'm driving on the 92 about to hit the toll booth and then a bunch of random things start hitting my brain and this is how that chain of thoughts went:

1) I was thinking back to the Jon Bon Jovi interview from the night before on 60 minutes. He was talking about why he decided to invest in an Arena League football team (the Philadelphia Soul). One, he wanted to revive the experience of an affordable game where a parent could bring his kids and the neighborhood kids to enjoy a game. Two, he wanted to bring the team and players back to the community. Three, he wants to own an NFL team in the future. Anyway, he's losing money - as most sports franchise owners do. But the team isn't losing that much money he said. What he does with some of the income from the team is invest it back. For example, he used some money to renovate 15 housing units in a rundown area of Philly.

I'm really happy he's doing that. Selfishly, I've been a Bon Jovi fan since childhood and knowing that THE band I've loved since learning English is lead by a man who stands for more than just superficiality is uplifting.

2) Eventually this brought me to wanting to write about it on the blog.

then...

3) Parking my car for the trip. Would I park it on the street? Was there anything of value that i needed to bring inside? Then, I thought of...

4) The clay that I still had in my car from one of my meetings. Our icebreaker that morning was run by an art therapist. She asked us to sculpt something from our childhood/teenhood that we loved to do. I couldn't think of much. All we did in high school was lounge around.. with each other.

5) That brought me to feeling really wonderful about my friends - that we were relatively easily entertained. Most of the time, we were just hanging out with each other, watching movies or TV, and just having fun - being around each other.

6) Then that brought me to the idea of going out - and that I was thankful that my parents allowed me to hang out as much as I did. They trusted me. I earned their trust. I also earned passes out of the house because I did relatively well in school.

7) This was where there was a weird turn. I thought about that experience as a child and how I could write a book about growing up the way I did - and I would love to share it with youth - like a big brother.

8) Then it flipped around to thinking of raising a child. Faint memories of a circa 2001-2002 discussion with Chel when she was telling me she was excited to see me as a father. At the time, I was learning my profession - counseling, listening, talking, guiding young people - and I talked to her about the life lessons that came up all the time during those sessions.

(And with a little help from Alicia's "Like You'll Never See Me Again" playing..)

I started to tear. Yes. Weird. I started to tear because that idea of being a father was such a reality and lovely reality, at that, for me when I was younger. And now, why was I so jaded? Why am I scared of it? Why do I build barriers between my vulnerable emotions - the real emotions - and my regular life? What had happened to me?. (Just like Mitch Albom asked himself numerous times in Tuesdays with Morrie).

And I left it at that.

Too many questions. No answers.

All that in a span of 5-7 minutes.

Ulam cooked @ 11:30 AM

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Friday, May 16, 2008

nerd

Ulam cooked @ 10:23 AM

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Friday, May 09, 2008

Amazon MP3 Crazy!
A note to yesterday's day in general: I was sorta feeling funky during the day and even worse after an irritating exchange with my friend at work. But, that's done with.

Oh wait. That's a lie. That happened after I came back.

I had a meeting in Daly City in the middle of the day. On my way back, trusty XM soft-shit channels (20-26) hit me up with some Foreigner: "I Want to Know What Love Is".

And, lovely as it is, put me in this great mood. Thanks CHEESE!

So, when I got home, I went kinda crazy on Amazon MP3 and bought..

WAIT. I went there to buy that same Foreigner song and the Flight of the Conchords CD. Didn't get the FotC CD. Bought the Foreigner song.

And.

And.

1) Chicago - The Best of (2 Disc Set!) - $8.99 (I added Hard to Say I'm Sorry, You're the Inspiration, If You Leave Me Now, and Will You Still Love Me? to the ballads playlist).

2) Blackstreet
(I had the chance to just buy the No Diggety Greatest Hits for $9.49, but I realized I only wanted these songs [and Get You Home with Foxy, but I have that at home].)

- Booti Call, Joy, Love's in Need, and Before I Let You Go From the Blackstreet album.
- No Diggety and Don't Leave Me (with the "take you back" intro that usually screwed up the slow jams mix tape if you didn't want to manually edit it out) from the Another Level album.

3) Toto - I'll Be Over You and Africa

4) Eagles - Take it to the Limit and Hotel California

Obviously, I felt my Ballads collection was missing some essential pieces.

I also explored some Heart, some Kansas, and some other stuff, but I closed the webpage before I spent any more money.

Lovely.

Ulam cooked @ 12:23 PM

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Late night. Come home. Work sucks. I know.. wait.. not yesterday.
I started my Thursday at work at 8:40am.

I left the office to go home at 9:20pm.

Mad?

No way.

The thing about this job is that there are really great days, really frustrating days, and immense bullshit most of the time. Well, at least during this past year, the bullshit's been a regularly scheduled guest, not an anomaly. Yeah, sounds like your run of the mill job.

But, there's an extra amount of immediacy and intensity when your "outcomes" are faces staring back at you - sometimes muggin', sometimes disinterested, and other times laughing, smiling, and developing.

I told Mon once a few months ago that I had a string of late nights due to meetings. Working with youth outside of school, that obviously means late night meetings. But when I would end the day with them.. if I ended up dropping them off and having that time to not talk business and just talk life for 5 to 15 minutes, I could never complain. I could always drive home happier and way past content.

I haven't had one of those days in a few months.

January, February, and March were really turbulent months with budget crises, hours being cut, disrespect by my agency, and a supervisor who should never have been hired - the burden of our issues were weighing me down and I became more complacent as I quickly sunk into a funk of disillusionment, disappointment, and extreme frustration. This cloud didn't just fly over my head but over everyone. The culture in the office was about estrangement and negativity. The culture in our meetings, with the youth, was drab, frustrating, and completely antithetical to the soul of our work.

Well, April came and things changed. Hours were restored. Agency is back peddling in the community and internally with us. We had staffing changes.

We were turning the corner and we, staff, knew that we had to step up the meaningfulness and relevance of our team meeting with the youth. Meaningful as in something with substance. Relevant meaning it connected to them.

So, we had a mixture of mini-trainings wrapped up in team building and fun, easy activities - like making "myspace" pages of our Board of Supervisors. (I enlarged some photos of them and printed out essential information from the web. We split into pairs and they had to create a layout with content on posters.) Then, we had an open discussion at the end acknowledge the mess of the year and that we were committed to reviving the spirit and energy of the program so that next year, and the years after, they get what they expect and give even more back.

And then we had appreciations.

Note, we're not much of a team. We have some friends in there.. we've helped build friendships. But we are also as much a collection of individuals as we are a youth "group". But the appreciations were real and meaningful. Just being able to find an appreciation for someone who you may not know well, especially one that isn't just "hey, I appreciate you because you smile at meetings" is as much a big deal as being able to share multiple appreciations for someone.

So, we ran 10 minutes late, but at for a bit, they didn't mind.

After the meeting, my coworker and I were cleaning up. Then, I checked the room reservations for this morning and it was clear. I decided that we should just leave. Leave the mess since we could clean it this morning - like a celebration that we had a good meeting. So she left.

I stayed. It was the first time in a few months that I really felt GREAT about a meeting. So I stayed longer. I read some of the posters we left on the wall. And I stayed longer.

I sat down, before I was to leave, and emailed my previous supervisor. No, not the recent one, but Anne, who's been a mentor to me since she hired me and is still my "supervisor" of sorts (and fellow Toaster-loving Geek, GO BSG!). I emailed her what we did and the reasons for the activities and the outcomes. Because I wanted to share. I've shared enough of the dreary details of the past few months, and I felt it was her right to know that we're righting this ship.

And then I finally left. Went home.

Happy. Content. Hopeful.

Ulam cooked @ 11:43 AM

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