monkeysilog at prosemonkey.com

Monday, March 24, 2008

Muni Party Bus: 3/22/08

So, the Buck50 Party Bus kicked into gear for its inaugural trip this past Saturday. The partiers were me and Jen. Rob was busy picking up his new beautiful ride, so it's understandable that he declined to partake. We mixed bussing and walking - so much so that I actually felt some minor soreness. Ahh.

Jen and John's Excellent Adventure!

First stop: Irving and 21st Ave. Happy Kitchen (?) for $6.40 worh of Dim Sum. The rundown: 2 siomai(sp?), 4 shrimp ball, 2 vegetable ball, 2 tun cake, and 2 pork bun. (like how there's no "s"es?) That's pretty damn good. I gotta say the siomai(sp) is good, but the shrimp ball not so much. Oh well, $6.40 makes anything good.

We actually walked there from Jen's 'hood.

Our first official muni-jump-on site was the 71 on 20th and Irving. We took the 71 to Haight and Stanyan to go to Amoeba. When I was younger, that store was a staple of any visit to Haight, but now I don't really think of it much. I did have a business idea for a post-cd music download world. Not gonna tell you though cuz you're going to steal my idea.

We hit up clothing stores and various other places.

I bought a shirt I've wanted to get. I figured.. I could spend money on a local store owner plus save on Shipping. Here it is:

After the shopping, we sat down at Magnolia Pub and Brewery and both had Oysterhead Stout (brewed with 10 Hog Island Oysters) and an order of Hot Wings.

During the mini lunch, we made plans to find Isotope: Comic Book Lounge. So, we decided to take the 71 down to Fell and Octavia. (It was the same bus driver that we had going to the Haight.) I thought Isotope was gonna be your regular comic book store with nerd-chic sofas and stuff, but it was really more of a comics boutique.

Anyway, around the corner (or maybe it was smack dab in the middle of it) was Hayes Valley. It's a really interesting mini-community considering what revolves around it: The TL.

We walked around there and saw some future places of culinary exploration: chicago deli, chicago pizza, gourmet burgers, "pots of soul". We left that area and headed towards Van Ness and Market because we wanted to get to the Ferry Building. We walked through the Civic Center area onto Market. Such stark differences coming from Hayes Valley and waiting for the bus right next to 6th Street.

We took.. I forgot which bus.. that took us all the way to Market and 2nd. The bus driver was a bit cranky, but she was funny about being all honest about her crankiness and being forced to work an extra few hours at the tail end of her shift.

From 2nd we took turns here and there finding our way to Embarcadero since we were going to take that scenic route to the China Basin area. Here's what you got:

I wanted to take this to capture the beautiful day.

I was playing with the shadow. With photoshop, this pic turned into a cool little "underwater shot of someone leaning over the railing". At least, that's what it looks like to me.

We walked up the Embarcadero and sat ourselves down at Pier 40's Carmen's Adobo Joint. Me and Chel went there once after a Giants day game. I wanted silog. So I ordered the Longsilog. Jen got the Adobosilog. We split a pitcher of Sam Adamm's Winter Ale(?).

And, it gave me the idea of this. It's a play off of.. a popular beer's "paradise" ad concept. Pretty easy to figure out. But this would be the metropolitan version of it:

Ahhhh... Paradise!!!

So, we ended the moving there. Jumped on the N in front of the ballpark and headed back to the Sunset. We got off at Judah and 19th and walked the rest of the way back to Jen's place.

The weather was beautiful. Exploring the city was a whole lot of fun. We have projects for the next go around!!! Who's in?

Ulam cooked @ 12:40 PM
0 of the headscratch variety

The Everything in One Bag East Coast Trip in July

I'm going to the East Coast for a week during the first week of July, so I have a whole bunch of stuff to do in one week. Here's the quick gloss over of the To-Dos:

NEW YORK:
- Visit Lola and the family in Queens (and figure out how to celebrate with Christy, Jen Jen, and Carlo since they're all graduating high school and college this year)
- Visit Joyce and her place because I haven't seen it
- Hang out with Junior somewhere
- Hang out with Tess and Anton
- eat real NY Pizza
- eat Gray's Papaya
- Drink some Brooklyn Lager on tap

PHILLY:
- HAUNTED PHILADELPHIA I guess with all the revolutionary war stuff and the oldness of the city, Philly's known as a paranormal hotspot? NICE.
- History Nerd Tour.. I normally shy away from uber-touristy stuff, but I gotta check out some of the revolution main spots. I HAVE to. My history-jonesing bones demand it.
- there's something about "first fridays"?
- It's the best American Beer Drinking City? Really? Wow. Okay. Gotta find some suggestions. Maybe this place: McGillin's Olde Ale House???
- Okay.. more suggestions: The Yards
- aww man.. i'm gonna miss out on this: the Star Wars: Where Science Meets Imagination Exhibit. (yes.. altogether now: NERRRRD!!!)
- And.. more "research"
- OH, and yeah, it's JULY 4th in the Nation's home of the revolution!!!

BASEBALL:
So, as I have made it a point to TRY to hit up as many baseball stadiums I can (without going broke and watching some in cities I'd rather not ever visit...) I have three games on tap for this trip.
- July 3rd, Red Sox at Yankee Stadium! Okay, so I hate the Yanks and Sahx. The Yanks are the Evil Empire, but the Sahx have somehow quickly moved passed them. Maybe it's due to their success and the Yanks' consistently expensive mediocrity. Either way, I'll be cheering full force against the Sahx in this game. I have a single ticket. I'll be visiting the stadium, which is being torn down to create a new history with the New Yankee Stadium. No matter how much I hate the team, I do respect the history and I have to make it a point to watch a game at Yankee Stadium before it's officially a ghost with its cherished history.
- July 6th, Mets at Philly (Citizen's Bank Ballpark). I'll bring back a first person account of how much Philly loves the Happy Peter. I hope he does well, but I don't foresee a great relationship there. If he had it bad in the City.. he's gonna get buried in Philly. I get to knock this ballpark off the list - PLUS - it's a METS game!
- July 8th, Giants at SHEA! "Shea Amazing" was one of my favorite pine-ucdavis-email monikers. Just for you uneducated grunts, here's a quick HISTORY OF SHEA STADIUM. My last two attempts to watch a game at Shea haven't gone well. I'm making it happen this time around. Please don't EFFIN rain!!! Funny that I'm watching the Giants play at Shea. That's pretty cool, though, since the Giants have their history with the city, obviously.

Overall, those are three solid games for a one week time period. DOPE!!!

I CAN'T WAIT!

Ulam cooked @ 11:22 AM
0 of the headscratch variety

Monday, March 17, 2008

jeopardysilog

here are the answers. you tell me the question. first to "question" correctly gets a big pat on the back!

Answers (in no particular order):

1. Hey Ya
2. Baby Got Back
3. Jump Around
4. Anything by Fergie.

Ulam cooked @ 3:23 PM
0 of the headscratch variety

Vegas recap. part 2. no pros.

It was a Warriors – Family and Friends – Great Time Out Weekend. And, oh, I’m not talking about basketball.

As per the previous PRO-lific post before, this was a barnburner weekend focused on Vegas. I don’t normally like traveling far by car with only two people deep. With the monotony of long freeways and the potential for fatigue and conversation voids, three usually is a good rotation. There are times for naps, mixed conversation, different drivers. Not this go round. In fact, I’ve NEVER driven to Vegas, or LA for that matter, with just two deep. But, Mon and I couldn’t find any takers to fill our third seat. We made it though.

The drive there was full of bitching about work. That, at least, brought us as far as Lost Hills/ Highway 46. After that, the conversation was a mixed bag of my overblown girl issues and us reminiscing about various things. When you’ve been best friends, off-and-on, with someone for 16 years, there are a lot of things to think back on and talk about. But still, an 8 ½ hour travel could potentially dry the well of fun conversation. Didn’t happen, though. Not, at least, until I was just too tired to talk about anything. We finished the drive with Dave Chappelle’s “For What it’s Worth”. That brought us basically to Estee’s doorstep. Good timing.

I visited Estee and David’s place for a few minutes in January, but never really did much but sit on the sofa and hold Dior for a few minutes while she was completely conked out. When we arrived this time, we went upstairs to the guest room above the garage that I thought was very Ryan Atwood-The O.C. esque. We gabbed a bit about the funny lives of our friends, before Mon and I took our power naps. I delayed that a bit cuz I got caught up playing the brainteasers on the Professor Layton and the Curious Village DS game. I ended up playing over 4 hours of that damn game just on Saturday alone.

The rest of the weekend was pretty much covered earlier.

On the ride back, I was talking to Mon about how natural Estee is as a mother. She had some practice in high school when her baby brother was born and she did a lot of babysitting. We used to joke around that he was her baby. But, even with that experience, a lot of first time mothers still struggle at the transition, but Estee seems totally at ease with it all. Of course it’s not EASY, but she’s taking everything in stride. She’s calm, super caring, super attentive, and does what she has to do. She also is really comfortable with time apart from Dior. It helps that she has a lot of family to help, but I’ve seen a lot of my friends become extremely uncomfortable with that space no matter how much they talk about needing breaks and wanting to return to some non-baby-related fun. It was nice to see.

So, carrying and playing with Dior was fun. There really is a natural high when you make babies smile and laugh. There is also wonderful feeling when a baby, on the verge of getting antsy, is in your arms and you find a way towards calmness and s/he just chills. (and smiles). So, does that change my stance on this father/baby convention we’re all seemingly surrounded by? Nah. I’m good for all night drives on almost consecutive days and visiting, but y’all folks loving the parenting role can go ahead and keep lining up. I’ll be outside just breathing in some nice brisk sunny air and keeping my baggage away from impressionable children.

We got back to the homes at around 4:30-5. We both are at work today and I’m sure Mon’s in worse shape than I am since she usually sleeps a lot more than me. And I lean on coffee. We spent the ride home sifting through my ipod hearing for candidates for her and Eric’s wedding songs. Plus, it was an old school jam-packed party in there with TLC, SWV, Shai, Hi-5, and all those crazy high school cuts.

Good time out. Friends. Family.

Ulam cooked @ 3:20 PM
0 of the headscratch variety

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Only in Muthaeffin Vegas

Been here in vegas for less than 24 hours (t-minus 2 hours). Me and mon rolled through last night to meet up with Estee and her little bundle of joy, Dior. So I'm in the extra room. It's separated from the rest of the house. I'm sleeping on the floor and mon's on the bed. It's just started to rain.

Vegas is nuts.

Because we were up all night, me and mon conked out in the morning when we arrived. but first. I spent an hour playing my new DS game: Professor Layton and the Curious Village (??). Basically, it's a long string of brainsteasers written into a longer multi-layer mystery/puzzle game. It's been fricking addictive since I love brainteasers.

I woke up at a few minutes before 1pm and got ready for the day. I went downstairs around 2. basically, most of the day (to go do something outside) had been lost, so we just lounged at Estee and David's place until the Pacquiao-Marquez fight. her fam's doing well. Little brother's all old now (about to enter high school). It was a good fight. Glad Pac Man won. I wish he'd learn a counterpunching game though.
After the fight, I conked out for an hour and a half to rest up before going out. Estee's finally done feeding Dior so she can drink alcohol and she's in due for a night out with friends.

We headed to a casino off the strip. WAAAAY off the strip. This is what we experienced at the lounge:

- hella crowded. mind you this is waaaay off the strip. it also had people our age and eye candy.

- we sat down and the couple in the booth area with us was completely silent. they barely talked the whole night. they looked pretty uncomfortable. blind date? fight? not sure, but we had lots of fun snickering behind their backs about what was actually happening.

- drunk ladies in their 30s bumping and gridning with their manfriends almost falling out of their shirts and one fell almost face-first onto the ground. That was 3 booths over.

- DJ was bumping dope songs. In particular she started an old school hip hop set with Tribe - Scenario. Then, within that an abbreviated 10 (or so) song set of old school hip hop played "But You Don'T Hear Me Though" - Rodney O and Joe Cooley and "Soul Clap" - Showbiz and AG. Super props! I haven't heard Soul Clap played in public in over a decade I assume.. and who the hell plays Rodney O and Joe Cooley outside of the Bay? Dopeness.

- Freaky girls dancing all over the place

- Lonely ass dudes sitting pretty at the bar (and me lamenting that I REALLY REALLY don't want to end up like those fools.)

- a PRO (yes, a PRO) set up a drunk, unsuspecting dude.. grabbing his cash.. sitting on his lap.. buying drinks for her pimp and her homies.. then heading out of the casino with him.. and her homies. She sat on his lap within 2 minutes. She got his CASH and stuck it in her bra. She got her bigger wad of cash and was flaunting it when dude wasn't looking. Funny if the dood was an undercover sting.

- there were 3 Henn and cokes, and 1 1/2 vodka crans when estee and mon couldn't finish them

AFTERWARDS, we hopped over to Roberto's to order a california burrito.

This one crazy Asian dude came in with his buddy who looked high. He then went to the salsa bar to get some for himself. He said something to me about some salsa to me. I just smiled it off. He had another discussion with some new dudes waiting for hood. Apparently, dudes said something to upset him, and then once we were leaving a sandwich bag of pickled carrots and jalapenos landed by the window cuz crazyasiandude threw it.. then subsequently started talking trash to the ohter guys. REALLY REALLY strange.

Only in vegas. AND NOW, I'm sleepy as fuck!

Fricking Vegas! =)

Ulam cooked @ 4:30 AM
0 of the headscratch variety

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

NOTE TO SELF: circa 3/13/03: changing the [educational] system

I knew I wrote this. Glad I found it. Glad I'm at Jeff this year trying to live up to my words:

change the system:
.. schools need to become cultural centers of the community; become the foundation of trust, action, cohesiveness for the families in the neighborhoods.

.. schools can't just be academic learning centers that babysit a few hours a day.

.. the physical area of schools need to be recontextualized - redefined. the stigma of school does not encourage or motivate accountability or dedication to the community or to the students themselves.

.. the education system has not changed.

..it SHOULD NOT be education's purpose to distinguish those who are elite, but rather to ensure that all youth are equipped with knowledge, skills, and resiliency.

.. pillar of the community.

Ulam cooked @ 11:50 AM
0 of the headscratch variety

Monday, March 10, 2008

SCION xD: Nerd Car. I'll explain.

Scion's are cool. No beef here.
Nerds are cool. I'm one of them.

I was driving today and noticed the newest model of the xD in white following me. I noticed that the grill/front/face reminded me of something. I realized after a few extra glances that from the rear-view mirror's perspective, the "face" of a WHITE xD looks like a STORM TROOPER's mask.

REALLY!

Ulam cooked @ 11:48 PM
0 of the headscratch variety

Sunday, March 09, 2008

The Rundown: March 7-9

I haven't done a multi-day shenanigan recap in the ilk of Live Journal: cheestastic fame in years. Well worth the time to do it now.

FRIDAY: After the silliness and self-pitying over stupid shit on Thursday, the work day on Friday ended up being a wash. I knew I had a meeting at a school, a peer support lunch, and a second lunch with my newly relocated suitemate friends. I also thought I was going to move my office. There was a lot of downtime in between. Their office wasn't ready to connect to the universe, so I couldn't check email and get to do some working. That lunch, though, started the crazy spending of the weekend. I treated a bunch of them to lunch and watched Flight of the Conchords while doing so.

I got home in time to watch the Warriors beat the Heat. A Warrior win is always a good way to start a weekend. I eventually headed over to the city with Chel and Dennis for Rob's birthday. He, of the "always turning 16" fame is the elder statesman in his gang of buddies. I updated Chel on all the silliness that is my fleeting heart and my on again/off again yearlong crushing on Portrait Girl. Funny - the last time I think I was in that parking lot for Fisherman's Wharf was with Carolyn.. circa 2002.

While we were driving back to Daly City, we passed a whole bunch of jaunts we used to frequent back in our actual "living" days before we all got way too comfortable with eatsleepshitworkandrepeat. Something I'll have to rehash in a creative way on 19th Grade. Why's that seem so damn long ago?

When we got to Chel and Dennis' place, we waited for Hum so we could play Rock Band. While we were waiting, we watched the "I'm fing Matt Damon" and "I'm fing Ben Affleck" videos on YouTube.

Then it was rockband til the drums being slightly off got the best of us.

[funny note. as I'm writing this, the Friends episode, "The One Where They All Turn Thirty".]

SATURDAY:
Staying up late woke me up later than my usual. I was in bed until I talked to Jen online and she asked about going to get some cheesecake from Zanze's Bakery.

Jen, her friend Joel, and I took the 28 Muni Bus from her place to Ocean and walked up the street to get to Zanze's. None of us had ever been there. When we got there, I was surprised to see nothing but a counter and cheesecake. No joke. A store in a pretty expensive neighborhood in the city selling nothing BUT cheesecake? Imagine the RENT? Shit, must be good, we thought. Cool thing. I found another Comic book store two or three storefronts away. It must be doing okay. It's expanding its area. I'm a bit underwhelmed with its organization and selection of new titles though. But, there's another place to hit up in case I'm in the neighborhood. Anyway, I was hoping it would be a cafe. I didn't mind getting some coffee and cheesecake. But it wasn't so we set off to find a place to eat the cake.

Down the street, we passed a Japanese restaurant on the way to Zanze's so we decided to see if we could go there. It was open so we jumped into a bunch of sushi.. and then finally hit up the cheesecake. Holy. effing. wow. The cheesecake was ridiculously fluffy and NOT heavy. It was good. Can you imagine eating cheesecake after a full meal? Bad idea, right? Not this one. We all took turns cutting it with fishing line the way the (I think) Mr. Zanze taught us. It would've been really cool if he had the Daniel Plainview voice since he had the mustache. "I EAT YOUR CHEESECAKE! I EAT IT UP!" I said that joke during the confectionfest and neither of them had watched "There Will Be Blood" yet.

Also on the walk, we decided to use up our Muni transfers to make ourselves our very own Party Bus for a buck fifty. It was only about 3:30, but by the time we got to 19th, the bus just passed us by. We decided to walk back towards Golden Gate Park and got to Ulloa before we decided to wait for the bus. I also learned about the "nextbus.com". (Note to self: exploit muni, more.) We also decided to head to Judah to take the N-train.

I didn't have much time since I had to get to Chel's birthday dinner, so we ended up just hanging out at Irving at the regular spot, Yancy's. I texted Amy and she showed up to partake. I talked about the Portrait Girl scenario with her. Reminded that we talked about it during Amy's bday shindig LAST year. She said that, since this Portrait Girl's been on my brain for a year, I had to go "balls in" and figure it all out. I told her that I had decided on that earlier in the week and that was why Wednesday and Thursday night were so "eventful". In and out of the convo, I was staring at the tv watching the Warriors take down Orlando on the road on the 4th game of a 5 day road trip. GO DUBS!!! (See how life is so much better when the Warriors win?) Before we left Yancy's Joel's friend rolled through - and low and behold - he was also friends with Nik in law school. Small world.

We went back to Jen's place and I took off for Chel's party. I got to the party late and I circled the parking lot where that stupid restaurant was because there were no clear signs pointing where it was. What kind of stupid restaurant hides out behind other stores without pointing out where it actual resides in the shopping center? Whatever. Anyway, once I got there, Chel was already neck deep into... hmm.. inebriation. We played games, Chel was loud, I was conversing and having fun with a basically complete stranger (my homeboy's sister from a whole different coast).

After Chel's we headed over to Bacio Cafe to celebrate Nico's birthday and the anniversary of the cafe. It was an eye-opening experience, in a sense. The night before, when Chel, Dennis, and I, were talking about the days when we used to go out and dance, I said that I thought it would be a good idea to get the crew together and party at a scene like that (except for only 25-35 yos) at least twice a year - mainly because I'm tired of dancing ONLY at weddings with fun, but totally neutering songs. Then, when having fun at Bacio, I realized that partying with older people meant head-nodding and reminiscing to our old freestyle songs or new jack swing or golden age of hip hop (early 90s - anchored by Tribe) but all done in small little circles of fun and on our asses. What's dancing? I dunno. There was room to dance, but it didn't seem fit. I know as you grow older, the shindigs are about lounging and just gabbing when before it was htting the bar and hitting the dance floor, checking out the freaks, and getting sweaty (not necessarily dirty). Most of us can't handle the chain of drinks. Most see the small hand approach 12 and get as anxious as a teenage werewolf (or Cinderella for you prettier people). Is that all I have to look forward to as I grow older? Nine hours earlier, I was all up for riding around the city gradually getting drunker and drunker. Do I need to focus more time with the single folks? I'm confused! 19th grade! 19th grade!

Anyway, at Bacio I ran into two buddies I play ball with on Sunday mornings who I couldn't recognize upfront and couldn't recognize me either. We all look different outside of the basketball garb. Once again: small world.

We left Bacio and I headed to my parents' place. I got home and Papa was still lying on the couch. I must've woken him up but I thought he was headed upstairs. Instead, he watched the rest of the Warrior game. I sat down there with him and we talked a bit about the W's. Those situations aren't that easy for me. So, I'm glad I stayed down there and we talked some hoop. Great way to end the day.

SUNDAY:
Right now, I have a runny nose. Why? I spent it all day outside in a crazy beautiful day. With daylight savings time kicking in and me falling asleep after 2 (two nights in a row.. oh. my. i'm old.) I woke up just in time to get out to hoops 30 minutes late. Problem was, we still were missing some people. Eventually, everyone rolled through and we had enough to run 2 full courts for the bulk of the time there. Last week, I left really frustrated about not being involved in the flow on the offensive side. I don't need to take hundreds of shots. I just like the opportunity to create and take part in offense. The guys who play the bigger positions, unless you're "unstoppable", don't get the ball as often. Anyway, it was weird to be infused into the gameplan with the first team I was on since I barely touched it last week. I was a little tentative at first. Eventually, though, I think this was the best I played and the most fun I've had during this "season" of Newark Hoops.

Afterwards, me and Drei went to Chipotle to replenish our nutrients since we were practicing for softball afterwards. We talked about life. Mainly, Drei talked about fatherhood and I just threw in my opinions here and there. A lot of food for thought. Funny, the day before, I was telling Amy how I was all gung ho about marriage and family years ago when I was younger and now I'm really disenchanted with the idea. Hearing my buddies talking about their roles as fathers is good to hear, even though I'm still sold on not taking part myself. Funny thing.. the high school student who was working the register asked me if I was a student. I said no, but asked if I could be (today) so I could get whatever discount I assume she was going to give me. I got a free soda. The soda itself was a nice surprise, but being asked if I was still a student was really, really nice. Haha.

Softball practice was a lot of fun. It was the first time we've practiced in a long time. Even during last year's seasons, we barely practiced. All the jokes and laughter made me realize why we play softball in the first place and reminded me how lucky I am to have friends like the ones I do. I could barely hit the ball when I first went to bat and it was a mixture of iffy pitching and my own inabilities. I got into some grooves though. Even though I wasn't hitting with much power, I was leveling my swing and getting the ball to open spots (during a game situation) on the field. Good enough for a first practice. Fielding was okay. I'm still making my regular mistakes, but I also felt much more confident in myself. I think the opportunities I had with the co-ed teams I played with over the past year gave me more comfort in other positions. I'm just happy that I get to play 2nd Base in a few games this upcoming season.

While I was in the outfield shagging fly balls, Dave was telling me how it was nice to get practicing since it was obvious we were all rusty (it's been 5 months almost). He also told me how, before, when they turned 30 (they as in the older guys in the crew) it was okay since a bunch of us were still mid-to-early 20s. Well, now that we're turning 30.. eventually this year.. they in turn don't feel as spry. Haha. Talk about the ebbs and flows of aging... 19th grade.

Afterwards, we hit Ruddfuckers and gabbed like normal. We reminisced about the college days and the incessant phone calls some of us received when it was registration time.

Lots of fun.

SO.. WHAT I LEARNED THIS WEEKEND WAS:
... I should go "balls in" with Portrait girl
... I can still talk with new people and have fun doing it
... $1.50 can get you a fun ass day in the city
... I need to walk around the city much, much more
... Money's not worth conserving if you detach yourself from the things that give you (safe and healthy.. sorta..) happiness in the process
... I can't ever throw a 19th Grade party unless there are absolutely NO CHAIRS there
... confidence matters most.. in ANYTHING
... I don't think I care to go "balls in" because I got much better things to worry about and be happy about than drama

DONE.
(Muni party bus in a few weekends. Who's down?)

Ulam cooked @ 9:10 PM
2 of the headscratch variety

Thursday, March 06, 2008

Lots of stuff going on. Time for a High/Low session.

No. Not poker.

HIGH: Any hug with you is good. But a hug that lasts for the length of your appreciation is a teasing an insatiable want.
LOW: Insatiable want.

HIGH: Sappy music.
LOW: Self-indulgent/self-destructive music.

HIGH: Freedom from the source of drama at the office aka boss.
LOW: I don't believe that tomorrow will offer that.

HIGH: I spent a good 3 hours today talking it out with staff and youth. I was using my experience and prior counseling skills to process a lot including prepping a staff member on an interview.. seeing where some of the youth were. Days like this I could do forever.
LOW: Boss is probably in tomorrow. We officially have a toxic situation there and I'm not the only one noticing it. She apparently never realized how much she left my room after asking a series of irritating questions in the middle of my response. I mean, if you're gonna stop me from my work and ask a string of nitpicky questions, at LEAST listen to me the whole way through.

HIGH: I'm not completely emotional defunct. I mean, I realized today that I can dedicate myself and lose myself in my feelings for someone.
LOW: That means things with the latest one were maybe forced a bit. I'm glad that she's taking time for herself. I wasn't good for her. I was beating myself up for not vibing better with her - great girl, super cute, super nice, beautiful person - but there wasn't that vibe that could last beyond initial attraction...

HIGH: I'm indulging.
LOW: I'm in over my head.

HIGH: I really think that she'd dig me if I forced the issue.
LOW: I don't know if I should be more aggressive.

SO BREAK A BIT FROM THE HIGH/LOW...

My colleague told me she talked to the boss today about how our TEAM used to have a crazy wonderful energy about us (team chemistry, etc.). And all the BOSS had to say was, "That's in the past."

WTF? How dare you come into a situation and disregard the culture of a team, the work of a team, and what was going right? I'm sure she's tired of hearing about the person she's following, but when you follow someone who was so badass, you better own that shit. God. I'm getting pissed off thinking about it. Moving on.

I really really really have just felt this tinge in my body thinking about HER (the girl.. not the BOSS.. gross.. ) thinking that there's no other truth but her in my arms. Yes, super cheese. but, the beer I'm currently consuming is forcing me to be real and vulnerable.. not classic, not eloquent, not witty, not pompous.

There's a lot about her that I worry about.. I mean.. a lot I worry about in terms of it fitting right. But chemistry comes very rare.. our chemistry is rare. That's why it was always a trip when me and Cyndi were friends again because it was like, other than the non-romantic essence of our friendship, nothing had changed between us. There was something about her AND me that made some sense. And, what do you do with chemistry when there are so many other things that scream, "Wait the fuck up!"

CIRCA 2002 says a lot. When I hear her say "kiddo" I think of C of 02. I hold no animosity towards her because I have no reason to. But she put me through an emotional wringer.. and I sorta forced her to. Anyway, she used that "kiddo" term. No one else in my life has used that. I'm in the same place with HER. Mixed messages. Emotional scarring.

I was driving home and I was really examining this role I want to play to make her happy. I loved giving her flowers. I loved spending those extended seconds hugging her.. if I could.. if it was more appropriate.. I wouldn't have half-assed it. But i did even though nothing else could really matter at the moment. I loved thinking about where I should get the flowers.. I loved thinking about what else, if anything else, I should give her. I loved feeling like I was honoring her accomplishment and that I found a way to be part of it by enhancing her happiness.

But there's other shit there.

I told Becca last night that if I was younger.. the 2002 me would be all up in that. I'd be pushing it. I'd be leaving myself out in the open for her. It would be "no day but today". And I find no fault in that. But do I really want to repeat the C on 02 moment with HER? Really? Do I?

I tell Chel that all that relationship bullshit makes no sense. I can't imagine being intimate anymore. I tell her that i've outgrown that. But I haven't. I operate from a standpoint of loving to give.. and when I'm not in a situation where I'm giving and loving it, that means the problem is with the situation and not me. I'm sure I've known that.. but in this weird self-indulgent way, I'm glad I'm feeling that.

At least I know I'm alive. At least I know that there's a heart still in here somewhere.

Oh no.

Oh no.

Oh. NO.

I should be ready for a fall. I should be muthafucking ready for a fall.

Ulam cooked @ 11:01 PM
0 of the headscratch variety

Sometimes, I IM conversations are the effing best!!!

I was talking to my buddy online whose gf broke up with her on a g*tdang EMAIL. So, she was thinking about getting to find some "self-confidence boosting sex". And apparently, some dude was in front of her that was a qualifying warm body.

So I decided to give her some lines to initiate the sexualities.

me: "hey. let's get drunk and have sex." oh wait

me: "hey. do you have an extra quarter? I need to finish my laundry. Oh, btw. Let's get drunk and have sex."

me: or.. "man.. my shoe's dirty. let's have sex?"

me: i think you should.. well.. if you had a blog.. i'd suggest you just write down as many lines as you could that would break the ice to have sex but.. the most like..un-sexy

me: that could distract you for 2 hours.. drink a few beers.. get drowsy.. lots of sex talk without the morning after regrets?

her: i don;t think there would be regrets if it felt good

me: "hey. let's play a game. i'll close my eyes. when i open them and you're NOT kevin love, then we have sex. deal?"

me: this could go on for days

me: are y'all "officially" over? because.. i'm just putting it out there that the "sex" may cause the "drama" you know.. like a ross-rachel situation

me: but i can vouch for you that you were on a break

her: i have no idea. we'll see what happens

me: "i have a game. wanna play? it's called 'Hello Kitty'"

me: that's a little more suggestive more so than..

me: "hey. daylight savings time's coming. let's have sex before we lose the hour."

her: my friend goes... start drinking before hand and then be like... hey so i already got drunk... what if i finish off at your place?

her: literally.

me: "you know.. i'm not sure if i should pay more attention to the dow jones or the SP500.. let's have intercourse?"

me: can you describe your physical situation at the moment?

me: so i can.. you know.. come up with more lines

me: i'll give you $5 if you do end up doing it.. and somehow initiate it with the term "intercourse"

me: i mean.. i'm not trying to be an enabler

her: hahahaha... he just left the room but i'm set to see him in a half hour

me: but.. you know.. if you're gonna do it.. might as well make it fun for me

me: who is he?
me: where y'all at?
me: how do you know him?

her: this guy named johnson w.... on campus... from class

me: wow.. if his last name was Wang.. it would be like some "intercoursal sign"

Ulam cooked @ 10:09 PM
0 of the headscratch variety

The things we do.. in fandom...

Gary Radnich and Tony Bruno have 30 minutes of the best radio daily at the 10AM hour on KNBR, THE Sports Leader. (Toot the Sleep Train whistle.) KNBR listeners will know what I'm talking about. Anyway, Gary from the beloved KRON and the classic "SIT DOWN, with Gary Radnich" and the days of BayTV has been covering the election campaigns for KRON and has been enthralled with the Obama-Clinton Race. So, to honor both Gary and Tony, like they have at That's Good Knowledge dot com, I made them some campaign bumper stickers:

The show is anchored with great producers like Dan Dibbly, Mike, and Patrick Conner. There is a great chemistry on there. Yes, they do the same gags everyday, but we love it. They know how to set up each others' drops and catch phrases. That's what I mean about the Sleep Train whistle.

When Tony got screwed by Sporting News radio a few weeks ago, the fans of the show felt a significant void in their daily dose.

That's KNBR 680AM.

Ulam cooked @ 11:42 AM
0 of the headscratch variety

Revisiting 2002...

As first discussed in APRIL 2007... Scroll down to "Circa 2002".

"Ready for a Fall" by PJ Olsson (as heard on the Dawson's Creek Soundtrack Vol. 1)

You sit there in my shadows
And you call it your relief
Don't be the one with bad eyes for
The things that I could see
(Don't give me that)

The darkness has no armor
Need protection from the air
High hopes through time passing
When I see I want you there

[Chorus]
I can't believe
You're the one for me
If it was this easy to find you
I should be ready for a fall
I should be ready for a fall

Now my wonders rally
Around the person I once was
Like a bird that I've been helping
Hope you're healed and strong
You never know when you might have to fly

[Pre-Chorus]
Where will you go after me
Where will you go after I set you free
And I don't know you from a page in my book
Though I should
Though I should

[Chorus]

Where will you go after me
Where will you go after I set you free
And I don't know you from a page in my book
Though I should

[Chorus Out]

Same shit. Same shit.

Ulam cooked @ 10:58 AM
0 of the headscratch variety

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Bad idea: portraiting

The title refers to the act of crafting a portrait (in this case with a sketch book and pencil.)

It could also just say the problem with wanting to give a gift to someone who shouldn't be receiving a gift for you.

Especially, as I've read back in the past posts, that there are numerous reasons why it's a bad idea to have the desired recipient on my brain.

Anyway, I wanted to make something for a friend to help her celebrate a big accomplishment. I was intially going to try to draw a cartoon/comic book style drawing of my friend as a super spy. It's something we discussed long, long time ago when we first really started talking.

It wasn't happening. I didn't have a grasp of her features - and, oh yeah, I can't draw!!!

Anyway, I decided to look at one of her pictures to try to draw a portrait. It went through numerous renditions and revisions, and what I ended up with in the first picture was what Becca described as "a caricature". That is totally not what I intended. It was true though: the proportions were all off, the eyes were huge, and looked more like Calista Flockhart (sp?) than my friend.

So, being obsessive with these stupid tasks, I decided to take another run at it with the eyes, proportions, etc. conscious.

It got better. Looks less clean. Obviously, it's not an easy task especially when I've only "successfully" drawn two portraits ever in my life. I can say I made a 3rd with my silly facebook pic. So, who the hell do I think I am for trying it?

Anyway, the more I kept drawing her, the more those inklings of feelings were starting to fleet. The more I tried to perfect the sketch, the more I started missing seeing those eyes in person. Oh, super cheesey, but sadly true.

Not sure what I want. She'll never see those sketches because 1) they're not very good, 2) I understand that it is a bit stalkerish though I think she'd appreciate it, and 3) let's say best case scenario is that she loves them... I'm not sure if I'm ready for that attention.

I'd love to post the pic. Maybe tomorrow. I'm sure it's safe here since only 2 of you read this and neither of you know who she is.

Her eyes aren't "spectacular" but I have sometimes found myself staring at them from a distance. I think it's because I see her at her most vulnerable (thus real) in them. At least in the portrait, the eyes are relatively representative.

Ulam cooked @ 12:18 AM
0 of the headscratch variety

Saturday, March 01, 2008

I wish this was my alarm clock in the morning..

Ulam cooked @ 12:44 PM
0 of the headscratch variety