Saturday, December 29, 2007  

Reflection

As 2007 ends, many of us will be thinking about resolutions for 2008. I haven't thought much about what I would like to accomplish in the coming year, but I would like to say that we should all reflect on our blessings and open ourselves up to the adventures set before us in 2008. This past year we took a road trip to Yellowstone National Park. It reminded me that there is a beautiful world out there waiting to be discovered. More than that, we are all a part of the world's beauty. In our own ways, we're all someone to be discovered. Happy New Year!

Yellowstone sunset in July.

Wolf at the reserve in West Yellowstone, Montana.

Ghost trees, Yellowstone National Park.
Excelsior Geyser, Yellowstone National Park.



Chronicled @ 10:18 PM

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Wednesday, December 26, 2007  

The journey we all must take

I'm reading The Alchemist for the second time in as many days. My cousin recommended it to me. Now I understand why. Let me state that it is one of the most inspiring and profound tales I have ever read. And it came to me at the right time, a turning point in my life which, though it's taken some time to realize and accept, opened up many options that I would have otherwise failed to recognize or chosen to ignore.

It's a story about a boy and his journey. It's about listening to your heart and living harmoniously with the desires within it. Really, how difficult is it to understand that when we follow our hearts and dreams that our final destination will not be a disappointment. But it's also about recognizing the signs that God, or whoever your higher power may be, shows you during your journey. It's about learning and living, and living what you learn.

We all embark upon that journey at one point or another in our lifetimes. I think mine began as I was ending my last year in high school. I remember an assignment that my English teacher required of all his senior students, an essay about what our goals were after graduation. Almost all of us wrote about self-fulfillment and self-satisfaction. After he handed back our papers, he stood in front of the class and asked us, "What do you all mean by self-satisfaction?" And as he waited for an answer I sunk in my chair, praying that he wouldn't call on me. I knew what it meant to me, but there was no way I was going to explain it to the rest of the class. How can you put into words what you know only in your heart? As it turned out, it was a rhetorical question and he only wanted to make us think about the statement more deeply.

So, as young adults, we begin our journey of self-fulfillment, driven by dreams and hopes of attaining this self-imposed goal. As time goes on, though, we lose the enthusiasm and the pursuit becomes a burden. At least, that's what happened to me. The fear of leaving my comfort zone was so paralyzing I couldn't move on from something that brought no joy into my life. How ridiculous is that? I would rather be miserable than seek out that which would bring me happiness. What a stupid way to live.

Now, many years later, I'm back on my journey, focused on finding what it is that will bring me that sense of self-fulfillment. It's been a long detour, but the experiences along the way have prepared me for the expedition. And though there are many achievements of which I am very proud, I've yet to figure out my Personal Legend. Maybe it will come to me in a dream. Maybe it already has.

Chronicled @ 12:16 AM

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Monday, December 24, 2007  

My Ohana

Last night my dad took all of us to a Hawaiian concert. At first I didn't want to go, but since everyone else was, I decided to tag along just to make him happy.

It started off as I would have expected any typical Hawaiian concert would, save for the cheesy blond singer who didn't fit in with the finely tanned band and dancers. Since when did Hawaiian bands include Tammy Wynette wannabes wearing evening gowns and funky cowgirl gear? Thankfully she was overshadowed by two very Hawaiian male singers who brought the aura of the islands to the stage. All cheesiness pust aside, the show was enjoyable. Hawaiian music is soothing to the ears, a pairing of the smooth sounds of the acoustic guitar and the twangy uniqueness of the ukelele.

During the show I looked at my dad, his back to me, and saw that he had removed his glasses and was wiping his eyes. Was he crying? I wasn't sure. Then I turned to my right and saw that my sister was tearing up as well. Then it hit me. I love my family. I'm so appreciative for everything that they do for me. When everyone else is gone your family will always be by your side, rooting you on, guiding you, and hopefully, putting you in your place when needed. They are why I wanted a family of my own. My dad, despite his shortcomings (at least, that's what my teenage self saw them as), is a family man. He may not have spent many hours with us growing up, he may have yelled a lot unnecessarily, he may have been way too strict. But he did what he knew best with what he was capable of, and for that I am grateful. Thanks dad, I hope I make you proud.

Chronicled @ 9:33 AM

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Friday, December 21, 2007  

Where did all the time go?

Time to reflect upon my use of time. I was on track to knock a few tasks off of my to do list. OK, I was a bit ambitious, given my history of tackling Christmas. But I've got so much more TIME.
What happened?

It's Friday. We're leaving tonight to make the 10+ hour trek to my parents' house. There's laundry all over the place - clean and dirty. Only half of the Christmas cookies are done. There are presents to be wrapped, donations to be delivered. And what am I doing? Watching Led Zeppelin videos on VH1 and blogging.

You've heard of the law of attraction? I call this the law of distraction. I'm a follower of this school of thought. In fact, I think I may be the founder. Here's how it works. Take on as many tasks as you can and commit to getting them done. Focus on all of them, not just one, because it is more efficient to multi-task than single-task. Start to feel overwhelmed because you forget about the daily distractions (kids, meetings, PTA, etc.) that cut into your task-tackling time. Cut back on the to do list and try to finish what items are deemed doable at this point in time. Feeling overwhelmed, find something to do that will help you relax and refocus. Relax and decide that you'd rather relax than stress out over these petty things that nobody but yourself cares about anyway. Push everything to the wayside, finish only the easiest items on the list and spend the rest of the day relaxing.

OMG - they just flashed a picture of KISS and Gene Simmons in full makeup. And wow, Robert Plant really was hot back then. OK, time to turn off the TV.

Chronicled @ 9:46 AM

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Wednesday, December 19, 2007  

Peephole at the Maxwell Hotel, San Francisco


Chronicled @ 6:41 PM

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Footprints

Last night I went to a party for an old co-worker who is moving on to a new position. Being with friends that I haven't seen for awhile is invigorating. Though I've been back to the office a few times and have seen everyone, socializing outside of the work environment is a completely different experience. It reinforces the fact that it's not the job that I miss, nor the familiarity of the processes and tasks. It's the people. It's always been about the people. Every person that I've befriended over the years has left an impact on me. I've learned something, both professionally and personally, from my daily interactions with this mish-mash of personalities, each leaving their own unique footprint in my life's path. What's nice to hear is the impression that I've left on others. Sometimes I'm a drama queen. Yes, once in a while I do tend to overreact. And I'll be the first to admit, I can be a straight out ---- you fill in the blank. But after all is said and done, it's not the negative things that stand out. And that makes me feel good. I'd like to think that whatever footprints I've left in someone else's way paves a passage in the right direction, whatever that may be. Just like they've done for me.

Chronicled @ 5:37 PM

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Tuesday, December 18, 2007  

Move over Martha

I'm in sweet-tooth overdrive right now. Every Christmas I try to make my gifts. Number one, it's more personal. Number two, it costs way less. Not that I give extravagantly expensive gifts, but my trips to the mall have always and inevitably resulted in more presents for myself than any of my intended recipients. Besides, who doesn't love a good assortment of homemade holiday treats?

Today I've taken on the ambitious task of making peanut butter and chocolate fudge, chocolate covered pretzels, peppermint candy, and, if I have time, beaded snowflake ornaments. So far I've finished the fudge and candy. Oh, I forgot. I plan on making my Christmas cards too. Only one week until Christmas. I'm sure I'll get it all done before then. I'll keep you posted.

Chronicled @ 1:51 PM

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Monday, December 17, 2007  

The new daily grind

6:45 a.m. - Tell hubby to turn off the alarm clock and hit the snooze.
7:00 a.m. - Freak out because I didn't get up at 6:45 a.m. like I planned on doing. Rush out of bed to wake up the kids.
7:05 a.m. - Go to the kitchen to figure out what to make for breakfast. It will have to be something quick, like instant oatmeal or waffles. Note to self: try to wake up earlier tomorrow so the kids can have a healthier breakfast.
7:15 a.m. - Go upstairs to bark at the kids to get out of bed so that they can hurry up and eat breakfast. Also, ask them if they are bringing or buying lunch today.
7:20 a.m. - Finish making the kids' lunches. Yell from the kitchen to the kids upstairs that breakfast is getting cold and they need to come to the table NOW.
7:30 a.m. - Get the kids settled at the breakfast table. Realize that I forgot all about hubby and what he might want to have for breakfast/lunch. (He ALWAYS made sure I had proper nourishment before I ran out the door every morning.) Feel guilty because I didn't take care of him like a doting wife should. Get over the guilt because I'm not a doting wife.
7:45 a.m. - Do final check on the kids. Make sure they are properly dressed for school. Get the lunches and backpacks ready to go. Get hubby's lunch packed, coffee poured, keys ready.
7:50 a.m. - Goodbye/see you later kisses for everyone. Watch them as they walk to the car as I yell, "See you after school - love you guys!" Close the door and remember there is still one more kid in the house to get to school.
8:00 a.m. - Try to wake up teenager who seems to be in a comatose state. Shake him to make sure he is breathing.
8:08 a.m. - Go into teenager's room, ask what he wants for lunch. Confirm that he doesn't want any breakfast (P.E. is his first class of the morning and breakfast doesn't mix well with that subject).
8:15 a.m. - Try to figure out what to do for the rest of the day. Listen to make sure teenager is getting ready for school. He has to be there by 8:30.
8:25 a.m. - Rush teenager out to the car to drop him off at school. Another note: Wake him up earlier tomorrow so that he can walk himself to school. He's old enough!
8:30 a.m. - Back home from dropping off the teenager. The school is not even a 1 minute drive from the house. HUGE NOTE to self: Really, really, really make an effort to wake him up earlier tomorrow.
8:45 a.m. - Sit down with a nice, hot cup of java and, once again, figure out what I am going to do today. First on the to do list - nice, hot shower.

Chronicled @ 9:47 AM

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Saturday, December 15, 2007  

Christmas chaos

It's 10 days until Christmas and I've done nothing. No tree, no decorations, no cards, no shopping. You would think with so much time I would have at least finished the cards. I've got an arms-length to-do list and have only checked off a couple of items - finishing all the requirements to ensure I receive unemployment and loading up my IPod with some catchy tunes to get myself in the mood to do the things that are on my to-do list.

Over the years, my Christmas spirit has dwindled. The overwhelming task of unpacking and repacking decorations precludes any joy that would arise from watching a dancing snowman on the mantle. In my quest to keep the holiday happiness, it's been decided that the boxes will remain in storage and new, inexpensive decor will deck our halls. And, since we won't be home for Christmas, stockings will not be necessary because Santa will be visiting us out of town.

Armed with my music and debit card, I'm off to the mall! Or, most likely, Target. Wish me luck.

Chronicled @ 3:23 PM

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Friday, December 14, 2007  

The first of many pictures

















I love to take pictures of the unusual. Over the summer we went to Utah. I think this is the underside of a starfish. Or maybe it's an octopus. Whatever. I think it looks cool.

Chronicled @ 4:18 PM

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Thursday, December 13, 2007  

The power of thought

I am not a believer in coincidence, well, not anymore. Rather, I believe that we bring situations and people into our lives with our thoughts, both concious and subconcious.

Example one - being laid off. I've been thinking about it for so long that it became part of my daily conversations. Even when it wasn't verbalized, the desire to be freed from the corporate handcuffs was always there. Lesson learned - be careful what you wish for and be ready to accept it when it happens.


Example two - losing a few pounds. I don't think I'm fat, but I was starting to see glimpses of love handles peeking over the waistband of my jeans. Ewww. I've entertained the idea of starting a regular workout but never had the time. Thanks to being laid off, I've shed those few pounds that I thought about everytime I looked in the mirror. And, I didn't even have to work at it! Not eating regularly for a couple of weeks will usually do the trick. Lesson learned - good always comes out of the seemingly bad.

Anything in life is possible, especially if you think about and envision the end result. Live in the situation as if you're already there. I'll end this with one of my favorite, new-found quotes by Henry David Thoreau.

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined."

Chronicled @ 3:43 PM

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Wednesday, December 12, 2007  

Time

Today I want to address the issue of time. Just like money, the more time I have, the less effective I am at using it. The last time I had this much time off from work I had a newborn and two toddlers keeping me busy. That's a lifetime ago. Well, nine years ago. And while I welcome this newfound freedom, I can't help but feel a little lost.

The first two weeks after the layoff were a total grieving period. I have very little memory of the events during that time. I know I spent many hours having lunch and coffee with work friends, an attempt to retain at least a small part of my daily routine. I spent a lot of time sitting in my overcrowded closet trying to figure out what to wear, realizing that almost everything I owned was purchased with work in mind. Another reminder that my life had been thrown a killer curveball. Anyway, those two weeks flew by.

The third week I spent entirely at the kids' school. I have a confession - I have a difficult time saying no. I served on the PTA board for two years prior as the secretary and vowed that I wouldn't serve again. It's difficult enough to get volunteers for individual events. Think about how difficult it is to recruit someone and have them commit to the PTA for an entire year. Well, they found her. I agreed to be a last minute write-in candidate when we did the elections last year. And here I am, voila, the fundraising chairperson for our 2007-2008 PTA. Because of that, I was solely responsible for running our school's holiday gift shop. Though I tried to back out of it, the responsible side of me said, "If you don't do it nobody will." Lucky for them, and not me, I am no longer employed and was available to devote my entire day to volunteering at the school! I don't mean to sound bitter, but, well, I am. I will admit, though, that I enjoyed spending time with the kids and talking with other adults. It put some structure back into my life.

Now I'm in the middle of the fourth week of my newfound freedom. While I feel better, I still don't feel like myself. So much time translates into too much time for contemplation. What do I want to do? Am I going in the direction that will, ultimately, make me happy? As a good friend pointed out to me, I no longer have the distraction of work preventing me from seeing what is in front of me. Translation - "You don't sound happy now, you didn't sound happy then. Go and figure out what you need to do to get to that happy point and DO IT!"

Wow, is it that obvious? I've been in auto pilot mode for so long. There's comfort in the routine and mundane. Everything that happens in my life seems to just fall into my lap. Work, relationships, etc. I suppose that's a good thing.Then again, I have been very complacent in my situation. Complacency, I now realize, is a slow death. Instead of living life, I'm letting life happen to me. I want to be more cognizant of the opportunites that lie ahead. It's time I take over the controls and plan out my goals and write down my desires. My first goal - make better use of my time.

Chronicled @ 9:37 AM

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Wednesday, December 5, 2007  

Check out

On a whim I decided to finally go to the office, whose name I shall not mention, to close out my credit union account. I figured since property tax was due in a few days that now would be a good time to finish the tasks that I had been putting off for the past few weeks - paying Uncle Sam and severing my last work-related account. I felt fine until I walked through those doors and was greeted by our security guard who always welcomed me with a warm hello and a smile. I chatted with her for not more than 5 minutes, but in that 5 minutes an entire wave of emotions overcame me like an tsunami. I quickly excused myself and went on to the credit union to finish my business.

"I'm here to close my account." I had been in there a week ago, so the ladies already knew the intent of my visit. We chatted for a few minutes about the good old days when we all fought to get the good parking spaces. Now, parking spaces are abundantly available. We reminisced about the life that once filled the hallways. Now, it is like the ICU at the state hospital.

I waited for her to complete the transaction, remaining composed on the outside while feeling conflicted and angry inside. As she handed me the check for my signature, I noticed the very appropriate verbage used to describe the transaction. "Check out." Yup, I'm checking out. For the last time.

Chronicled @ 5:07 PM

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Sunday, December 2, 2007  

The first step

So I put off writing for a couple of weeks because my emotions were so all over the place I couldn't confront the situation without breaking down. I realize today that it didn't matter if I had waited 2 weeks or 2 months to do my first post. It's still upsetting. I cut short what I had originally intended to write because I couldn't stop crying. And it wasn't the teary-eyed Hallmark commercial crying. I was full-on sobbing!

DAMN! I can't believe I'm letting them get the best of me. So, after the first post I decided to send the link to some friends - those who would understand the gamut of emotions gnawing away at my sanity. There. The final nail in the coffin. If I let everyone know I am no longer employed by those LOSERS then I could slam the door behind me and open myself up to a world of opportunity. Let's see what happens.

Chronicled @ 10:20 PM

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