Tuesday, November 29, 2005

my privacy issues
I think that since I've gotten older (just these past few years) and the more I become less social due to friends moving, being busy, transitioning to new points in their lives, distance - that ive grown a shell - and i am far less skilled in small talk.

It has also conditioned me to deal with a lot of things on my own and so I internalize this type of shit and I think that is why I have trouble writing, calling random friends to do whatever, feel confident around strangers, hesitate to holler at a girl, open up and be natural. I feel fake a lot at work and I don't know what happened. I was, on a smalltime level, a "big man on campus" of sorts in college due to my organizational exerpiences and leadership roles.. I was hyper social at AARS - super warm. Now I feel cold. Distant.

I think it affects the relationship I have with my youth at work also - excacerbated by not seeing them as frequently as I saw my youth as a counselor.

I think this is another reason why I've grown closer to serial television shows and my comic books.

Ulam cooked @ 12:07 AM

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Monday, November 28, 2005

the weekend
i'm sad that thanksgiving is always so low key for my immediate family. my mom usually works the day before, the day of, or the day after so she's too tired to hang out with our relatives.

thanksgiving night was spent putting together a jigsaw puzzle with my cousins and occassionally the rugrats. again - very low key, but quite enjoyable.

my current best friends are a married couple - and even though they've been civily married for a long time, now that the church wedding and the reception's come and gone, they seem so much more married now.. and I feel so much more unmarried - so much more, hmm, alone.

i realize now, also, that the details of how they got together evaded my knowledge until yesterday. you know, when folks have been together for so long, the details of the beginning become somewhat blurry. i mean, parts of the growth were obvious, but learning about the *ahem* *cough* aggressor *cough* was funny.

dinner with friends is so much fun.

cholesterol, calories, fat. what i consumed all weekend - NOT so much on Thanksgiving (except for all that damn dessert.)

again, with the alone trend.. i feel a bit alone. the past few weeks have been difficult emotionally and not for any particular reason. i started to say i didn't give a fuck about exercising and what i ate and therefore got physically and emotionally lazy and now i'm paying for it. i think my longstanding singlehood and longstanding lack of legitimate connection with a girl's knocking on my conscience - and I'm sure the holidays have something to do with it. this is the time when my parents should be hanging out with their own grandkids instead of babysitting their adult kid(s). and it's not that i want a family right now, nor am I even ready for it, it still runs through the mind sometimes.

the weather's getting me down, man. i already yearn for summer.

i think i'm in relationship purgatory - still being punished for my immaturity in college and my inability to communicate. tsk tsk tsk.

hearing late 90s slow jams - like a specific time, 1996-early 1998 score high in the nostalgia factor - even if the songs dont' mean shit to me. I was hearing parts of "For You" by Kenny Latimore at my cousin's place and the music hit. And I felt lonely. Maybe because that era was full of my last and only significant relationship.

speaking of my friend (and only a friend), we only talked once while she was here last weekend. and I know that she misses her family and friends, but I thought I was one of the friends. Anyway, no big deal - it confirms that in an unintentional way that i'm just useful for killing boredom.

apologies to my friend - the one who i was an asshole to for a sprinkling time during a 2 year period. you deserved better and now you have that. =) it all works out in the end.

Ulam cooked @ 11:35 PM

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Sunday, November 20, 2005



Rachel Nichols aka "Rachel Gibson" of Alias

AND...



my art project of the night

Pencil and Photoshop

Ulam cooked @ 1:36 AM

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Tuesday, November 15, 2005

I bought the TLC Now and Forever Greatest Hits CD last night (on itunes) and so far I've listened to:

Baby, Baby, Baby
Hat 2 da Back

and am currently listening to Waterfalls.

Well, the two first songs totally brought me back to my crush on Chilli. If I remember, she really looked cute in the Hat 2 da Back video.

We're old.

Ulam cooked @ 2:44 PM

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Monday, November 14, 2005

The "I" in FBI means Informative:


(...and extra credit goes to the Associate Press for teaching me this NEW concept)


Race Motivates Most Hate Crimes, FBI Says


Hmm. Thanks for the information. I am now, finally, educated.

Ulam cooked @ 12:00 PM

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As my buddy and mentor Voodoo Child often says, "Think on it":

Humble Mumble

Verse 2, Andre 3000:

"Too Democratic, Republic fuck it
We chicken nugget, we dip in the sauce like mop and bucket
Blue-collar scholars, who'll take your dollar and wipe my ass wit it
You living for the lotto never hit it, I met a critic
I made her shit her draws
She said she tought Hip Hop was only guns and alcohol
I said "Oh hell naw!" but yet it's that too
You can't discrimahate because you done read a book or 2
What if I looked at you in a microscope saw all the dirty organisms
Living in your closet would I stop and would I pause it "whoo"
To put that bitch in slower motion, got the potion and the antidote
And a quote for collision the decision
Is do you want to live or wanna exist
The game changes everyday so obsolete is the fist and marches
Speeches only reaches those who already know about it
This is how we go about it"

I know the song's old. But I was listening to it again last night thanks to shuffling my ipod songs and the last line I think is interesting.

Ulam cooked @ 10:47 AM

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ON A FUNNY NOTE...

As I was trying to search for my old columns on one of the sites I used to write for, I found my writing name in another column.

I guess that columnist decided to initiate a poll asking his readers to vote for the worst columnists on the site, and I happened to get a vote! Out of all the writers, I was given the equivalent of a Razzie.

Haha. Woohoo.

It's okay. I know I wasn't the worst, though as I look back at some of the crap I wrote, I sure wasn't the best. My writing became much better after I read my first Bill Simmons aka The Sports Guy column. At least I got some notoriety.

Most of the columnists then and now don't know what grammar or spelling check are. AND, they definitely don't know what originality is either. AND, I was the same when I was there, though I thought I tried harder to be grammatically correct. I left the site because I didn't want to be associated with them.

I eventually went to another site that was a mixed bag of columns, though I only wrote for the wrestling page. I probably pushed out 10-15 columns before my cable ran out and I just got bored. That site, though, had much better writing.

Score The Sunset Flip some haterade!

Ulam cooked @ 1:49 AM

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R.I.P. Eddie Guerrero
This happens way too often - these wishes of spiritual peace for the
outcasts and often prejudiciously disregarded athletes and entertainers of
the pro wrestling world. Why are we saying goodbye to wrestlers so damn
frequently. The next one? I mean, our current one?

Eddie was found dead in his hotel room eralier today.

This one hurts. Eddie was one of my favorite workers. The last storyline I
saw him in (because I don't watch as often as I did a few years ago) was
terrible. I'm not sure what they had him doing recently, but the paternity
angle he worked with Rey Mysterio Jr. was difficult to watch.

I wrote a column about him years ago when I was still writing wrestling
columns. I am not sure what the topic was specifically talking about, but I
honored him with a column because I felt that his work was so good despite,
at the time, not generally respected it seemed by other fans. I wish I
could find it, but I don't have it on my hard drive and I'm afraid it may be
one of the many files I've lost on an old hard drive that was fried and now
unable to be accessed.

What I'm sure I would have celebrated was not only Eddie's physical talent,
but his great ability to work a match. He played his parts well - as a face
or a heel - but they translated the best when he was inside the ring (as it
should). Oh, now I remember. I called him an utter professional. Because
that's what he was. The match I specifically refered to I've forgotten, but
now I do remember that Eddie was in control of the match. He had to carry
another wrestler - someone probably pretty insufficient in the ring.
Anyway, it would have been great to repost that, but instead I'll just say
it again and hope his family and friends honor him properly.

Rest in peace Eddie Guerrero.

- formerly known as The Sunset Flip

Ulam cooked @ 1:44 AM

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Friday, November 11, 2005

Once I was King Kong, Now I'm Just Smell My Finger
what do I write
when my mind and my heart
ain't talking right
when the dark never sees the light of day
I may go crazy in a second
without anyone knowing cuz I maintain
the same face
day in
day out
the passion is dying but the fasad still stays loud.
what?
what is the meaning of a letter or a word
when the feelings are lost behind the destruction of the world?
why do I always use world to rhyme with word
when my world doesn't revolve around them
no more.
no more bombs drop from my brain through my fingertips.
why am I scared to write what I think or what I love
- i'm lost.
like a lingering ship.
I am nothing but a shell of the man i used to be
unsure of myself - and that's nothing new to me -
where is that mufucking bastard who typed with
damn near arrogance
like no pen since billy shakes could compare to him?

Ulam cooked @ 2:55 PM

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mid-twenties-syndrome
middle twenties syndrome I rock
the mic with no consistence
on no content
i am nothing but a fragment
a hanging participle
partly simple
mindless garbage babble
music tickles my soul
no more but it plays like it does
no punctuate this message
lost in a plastic bottle
sent to sea - a sea of diss
interest.

mid twenties syndrome
asking where life will go
no more distance just paddling
wading on the deep end of superficial
i am no fish
but i can still drink like one
the one and only talent that maintains
from the bohemian utopia -
you used to love me
and i used to lover
babble in plastic shards
splintered in useless hands -
or unused hands of magic
that could kill clark kent
if they were taken out of
the pants.

mid twenties syndrome
because rhyming ain't what it
used to be
used to being used
no longer used
but tired at the wrong end of
a marathon or fundraising walk
with cash registers full of
plastic coins
run ons and running on
means no more running with conviction
or writing with definition
the cheap rhymes of a t-i-o-n
no longer be me or my hopin'
-

lost in syndrome twenty times crazy
it hazy it graze me
i know nothing of periods or commas
but comas are welcomed
in white walls of torn posters
and faded photos of lost
good days happy
in times of create i-o-n
i be owin' my self an apology
and dedicate i-o-n
i no longer own my own emote i-o-n-s
i own less
in the mid twenties times spacey.

Ulam cooked @ 2:54 PM

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Tuesday, November 01, 2005

DATELINE: Sunday, Oct. 30, 2005. Blackstar LIVE rocks the show, speaks to the soul

When the first Lyricist Lounge compilation was released by Rawkus in 1998, hip hop was starving for real soulful, intellectual, and inspiring music. Inconspicuously enough, that release launched commercial undergroung hip hop that was led by anybody with ties to Rawkus. Though, the most commercial success came from Organize Konfusion veteran, Pharaohe Monch with the catchy, yet still dope as hell, "Simon says", the two individual entities who have made the biggest impact on the culture are Mos Def and Talib Kweli, also known as Blackstar.

Both emcees have taken different paths on their influential careers. Mos Def obviously has the more recognizable face being in blockbuster movies. His music was also used on a Jordan commercial way before And 1 was on ESPN, way before Redman and Meth were on PS2 (or selling deodorant for that matter), waaaaay before Chappelle show, and way way way before any MTV fan in the bible belt knew what 8 Mile was.

Talib Kweli, on the other hand, has remained behind the scenes and behind the mic. When Quality came out, his association with an as yet unhyped yet Roc-a-fella related Kanye West conditioned some fans into thinking he was trading the underground rags for commercial shine - and in a way he did, but his skills and insight has never changed. He was made immortal on a commercial tip by Jay-Z in "Moment of Truth" when Kweli's skills were used as THE bar for lyrical prowess.

Sunday night, they spent their second night in the Bay rocking to their original classics and their unreleased future classics. The night was opened by K'Naan, a poet/emcee/activist/spiritual adviser from Somalia by way of Canada - and he set off the show properly. His insights about "What's Hardcore" and surviving Civil War were honored properly with live instruments and a simple-yet-powerful delivery of his content. It was truly beautiful.

The stage was quickly transformed to the heart-aching yet inspiration explosion called "Dead Man Walking" by Amir Sulaiman of Def Poetry fame who was invited by Mos himself. In the back of my soul, I was hoping we would be blessed by a cameo by more Def Poets, specifically by the ever beautiful and empowering Suheir Hammad. It didn't happen, but the show moved on.

It moved onto Jean Grae - the resident underground female emcee as she joked, "the female on all those songs. Yeah, that was me." She performed for a relatively (seemingly) clueless or maybe careless audience and she even joked (again) that she was excited to see Blackstar too, but that the energy needed to be picked up right at that moment. As much as Mos and Talib are "real hip hop", their commercial success can leave an undercard gem like Jean Grey taken for granted. Her command of the energy in the room isn't the greatest, yet she was still a great addition to the show.

After some questionable chants of "Old School" to songs like "Lost Ones" by Lauryn, Talib Kweli emerged on the stage unannounced and ready to blast off his rhymes and energy. His trademark voice was not as noticeable as we has grinding out aggression interestingly juxtaposed to his smooth rhymes. He travelled through his mainstream career starting with a joint from Beautiful Struggle to going back to the Lyricist Lounge piece "Manifesto" to jumping ahead to his new songs from his upcoming album. The whole time, he was the epitome of energy and being that he was Main Event #2, I was loving every second of it. (Main Event #1 being Blackstar, obviously.)

The show only teased at it's climax when Talib Kweli came out blasting "This Means You", Mos Def's entrance (and more importantly Blackstar's entrance) was only one verse away. Mos subsequently jumped on stage and the chemistry between the two Blackstar brothers was shining on stage. Mos later joked later that they didn’t do any rehearsal and didn’t need any since they really were solid like that. They covered about half of their Blackstar album and it was a beautiful mix. Sadly, the Blackstar performance only lasted for those few songs before Talib left the stage and Mos’ show began.

Mos Def, as he started during “Definition” relied heavily on the original songs that the beats were sampled from. Many of his songs began with the singing of the original soul classics. Though his show was much more methodical, Mos still controlled the room. The Mezzanine was his lounge and we were all just chillin’ with the artsy, sarcastic Boogeyman. The rock offerings from “A New Danger” were not touched, but Mos Def is still definitely a rock star. He talked a lot. He talked enough for some to get slightly impatient with him. He took his time. He sang. He didn’t do the typical – sing the hits/ sing the new cd track listing – thing. It was his show and we all sat back and listened and enjoyed.

Mos’ set was long, so he took a break. He took a break to sing Happy Birthday to Pharaohe Monch. Pharaohe decided to celebrate his birthday by rocking a few songs – a commentary on Bush and the state of our nation and the world, “Simon Says”, and another song or two before he gave the stage back to Mos. Mos ended his show after “Umi Says”, the song on the Jordan commercial, and quickly walked backstage. But we stood there. We stood unsure if the show really was done – and maybe unsatisfied. I was unsatisfied because I wanted the huge , July 4th, blow up all the rest of the fireworks at one time finale with Talib Kweli as Blackstar – maybe cleaning up the loose ends with “A Children’s Story.” So we stood. The Djs kept peeking behind the curtain, maybe hollering at Mos that “those damn bastards aren’t leaving, yo.” So he indulged us for another 20 minutes with more singing, some freestyling, and some new tracks from his upcoming CD. Talib came out for the last 5 minutes, but Mos left even though at one point, it seemed like Talib wanted to bust a freestyle.

The ending of the show was rather non-climactic, but it was still satisfying (though not as satisfying as a final Blackstar encore). Overall, I would have loved to see Talib Kweli add 20 minutes to his individual show, another 15 minutes to Blackstar and those 30 minutes taken away from Mos’s solo time. I live Mos Def – I think the man is incredibly multi-talented and smooth, but Talib Kweli’s lyrics definitely speak to my soul more.

Nevertheless, the chance to see two of my favorite emcees ever live (finally!) was more than worth the price of admission – but the early treats of K’Naan and Amir Sulaiman were definitely appreciated.

Ulam cooked @ 5:59 PM

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VOTE for Bill King!!!
As you know, the legendary announcer, Bill King, who called classic games for the Warriors, Raiders, and A's passed away just a few weeks ago.

Here is one may to honor his contributions to sports announcing (and Bay Area sports, period!)

VOTE FOR BILL KING, HERE!

That is an award the annually honors baseball announcers, and it would be great for Bill King to be recognized more nationally. Because he stayed regional, many people in the rest of the nation were not able to have the pleasure and honor to hear him call a game.

I'm too young to have heard him do football and basketball, but I listened to him the past few years for A's baseball and it was always great hearing him. It'll only take a minute.

Here's the link again:
VOTE FOR BILL KING, HERE!

Ulam cooked @ 4:56 PM

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